Sexual Evolution

Movin' On

2007-06-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

Sad news, kids.

I've picked up a new project -- one that I'm really excited about. But it precludes me blogging here at Sexual Evolution. I honestly feel a sense of loss akin to ...well, what I imagine leaving summer camp must be like.

But now, like Candy and Pre before me, I'm closing up shop. I'll still be reading others' blogs and commenting from time to time, and you can still reach me at sexualevolution at gmail dot com.

So long... and thanks for all the ~~fish~~ smart sex talk!

Nimoy's Nudes

2007-05-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

We all know what William Shatner's been up to these days, but who knew Leonard Nimoy (that's Mr. Spock, for those of you whose mothers weren't teenage Star Trek fans) was shooting nudes and showing his work?

Okay, actually lots of people knew. I just wasn't one of them.

Anyway, the Times Magazine piece on his latest work with women of size -- a collection of photos he's been working on for eight years -- isn't too terribly interesting, but it's a good summary of how he ended up taking photos of fat women and how he feels about it. It tries to give the reader a glimpse of fat activism, kind of, but it doesn't really.

I really want to see the photographs now. Luckily some of them are showing in Northampton (apparently the most liberal city in the most liberal state in the country, according to gallery owner Richard Michelson), where I will be in the middle of next week. At first I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the beau to go with me, but then I remembered: he loves photography. Oh, and naked women.

I will stand in the rain on the corner...

2007-05-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

It’s pouring here, the kind of rain that’s perfect for a first date. Two people who’ve just met, or met last week, or who’ve known each other for years and were suddenly drawn to each other by the immense heat of the past week – they’re out on the town, glowing, giving each other those looks. I saw those looks over and over tonight, before the rain started. “I can’t believe you’re with me,” is what that look says, and to anyone who will pay attention, “look! she’s with me!”

And then the rain starts, and sheer summer shirts stick to wet skin, and suddenly everyone is laughing. Rain like this always feels a little absurd because it seems to come from nowhere, and when it comes it isn’t kidding. You’ve got no chance to prepare yourself for this. Couples on first dates stand together under awnings, laughing and wringing out their shirts, proffering jackets, offering to hold umbrellas, gauging the probability that the rain will let up and considering making a run for it, whatever ‘it’ happens to be. And they’re grinning. They look like drowned rats, and yet somehow they just can’t wipe the smiles off their faces. I hope they take advantage of the downpour – few things are more romantic than making out in that kind of driving rain, especially when it comes on the heels of this kind of heat and humidity. I hope they tell their kids one day about getting caught in a downpour on their first date.

I walked home alone, my umbrella stowed away in my bag, my flip-flops squeak-squeaking as I struggled to keep them from sliding off my feet. Rain like this is meant for running through grass and on blacktop in bare feet and rolled up jeans (or, y’know, underwear), seeing who can make the biggest splash. Poorly drained city streets with god knows what in the stormwater aren’t made for that kind of romping. But city streets in summer storms were made for first dates.

(photo: Amanda a la drowned rat, El Yunque PR. Somehow we managed to forget that it would probably rain in the rainforest. Man, that was an awesome day.)

There’s something fishy going on.

2007-05-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

Researchers studying water and aquatic life have found males of several species of fish whose gonads don’t quite match up. In waterways around Seattle, some male English sole have proteins normally only found in females. Male Potomac River bass and sunfish have been found carrying immature eggs. Down in Nevada, male carp in a particular lake – one subject to Las Vegas wastewater runoff – have depressed levels of male sex hormones and smaller than average testes. And in California, male fish off the coast of LA and Orange County have been found with ovarian tissue in their testes. Feminized fish are also found in England, Japan, and Denmark.

The culprit? Many would have you look no further than that little pack of pills on your bedside table. Synthetic estrogens in hormonal birth control trick the body out of ovulating, but they don’t just stay in the body and build up forever. A woman takes her pill with her morning coffee, drinks her eight glasses of water a day, and eventually those hormones get flushed town the toilet. When wastewater is spilled or leaks into waterways (through leaky sewers and pipes, storm drain overflow, or from wastewater treatment centers), those hormones are released into the wild, where they act as endocrine disruptors for fish. The endocrine system regulates growth and development in all animals – disrupt it, and you get animals that don’t develop correctly.

Scientists have found relatively low levels of estrogens in most of the bodies of water examined, but those low levels have been enough to have an impact on the development of aquatic life, and many are concerned for the reproductive future of fish. If you’re not worried (you never really liked fish anyway), think about the worst case scenario: feminization of male fish leads to widespread reproductive failure, declining fish supplies, the collapse of the fishing industry, increased reliance on non-aquatic protein supplies, and not enough land for the necessary increase in agriculture. It would be a problem in the US, but for Japan it would be a disaster, and for non-industrial countries relying primarily on protein from fish it would probably be the beginning of the end.

But we’re not there yet. Doomsday scenario aside, there is something going on with all those estrogens. Many news reports have implied that the bulk of the blame lies with hormonal birth control (and, to a lesser extent, hormone replacement therapy), meanwhile ignoring the vast number of estrogen-mimics in the environment from pollutants. Chemicals contained in many detergents, in bath oils and some cosmetics, and in pesticides act as endocrine disruptors in the same fashion as synthetic estrodiol. Even more pervasively, plastics often contain ingredients that mimic estrogens – one of which, bisphenol A, has been linked to birth defects in humans. These chemicals are often referred to as ‘ubiquitous’ by researchers who realize that the compounds will be found (in varying degrees) in essentially any water test performed.

Hormonal birth control, meanwhile, may be one of the most sustainable inventions ever created – if we use it properly. Because pills are relatively expensive and difficult to distribute (both problems which probably wouldn’t be that hard to overcome), their use in developing countries has yet to become widespread. Giving women and families the option of hormonal birth control (along with condoms and education) could go a long way towards solving the population problem. Otherwise, dwindling resources coupled with increasing populations will likely lead to population control via genocide and war (as in Rwanda; Jared Diamond’s extraordinary book Collapse does a great job of analyzing that scenario).

It’s true that synthetic hormones in birth control are contributing to the feminization of fish. As a first world country, we should take the lead in developing birth control methods that are even more sustainable – both personally and globally. For the time being, women who would prefer birth control sans hormones can consider using a diaphragm or IUD.

Meanwhile, cutting back drastically on our nasty plastic habit would decrease the amount of trash in our landfills, the level of endocrine disruptors in our water, and our over-dependence on petrochemicals. That’s three problems in one fell swoop.

Researchers are working on ways to filter endocrine blockers out of wastewater, and no one is actually suggesting that women should stop using hormonal birth control. Still, the Pill is getting an undue amount of attention in the fish feminization scandal. We (the media, all of it) should put a little more emphasis on the plastics industry and the byproduct of our petrochemical dependence.

(fabulous fish photo by wistine)

Good Magazine: Pornographic Transparency

2007-05-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Over the past week I have fallen in love with Good Magazine -- and this video just solidifies that. Good is a magazine "for people who give a damn", and the current issue features articles on corporate greenwashing, innovative transportation solutions in Europe, and (this is novel) an unbiased look at women married to inmates. Their hard copy is even on recycled paper.

In the video, model/actress Kelle Marie's body is the canvas for a series of factoids about internet pornography. I think the term 'ironic' can be appropriately applied here. Via Fleshbot.

Pro-Choice Birth-Activist Reproductive Freedom Fighter

2007-05-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

Radical doula Miriam Pérez believes that pro-choice activism and birth activism go hand in hand. Those who subscribe to the beliefs of either group don’t generally agree: pro-choicers are so caught up in protecting women’s rights NOT to parent, and midwifery groups so busy diligently advocating for pregnant women, that neither has the time to examine what the other has to offer (and, of course, not all midwives and doulas are pro-choice). But, Pérez points out, “Anti-choice activism and overly-medicalized birthing practices are both based on a lack of trust in women.”

Her Campus Progress article does a great job of pointing out the ways in which the two camps compliment each other. Both movements address “the narrowing scope of women’s choices.” They attempt to offer safety and support to women as they undergo difficult procedures, too often under difficult circumstances. And in both the delivery room and right-wing politics, the woman in question is forced to take a back seat to the fetus she carries. This, to Pérez, is the strongest correlation between birth- and pro-choice activism: “Both are attempts to fight back against rhetoric that prioritizes the unborn fetus instead of the adult woman.” The article also does a great job rounding up the basic facts and figures about home and hospital births.

But oh, these divisions! Pérez is right, birth activists and pro-choice activists have a lot in common. And they have a lot in common with those who advocate for comprehensive sexuality education. All three often have a lot in common with those who lobby for universal health care and for flex-time. When we talk about all of these issues, more often than not, we’re talking about the same thing: reproductive freedom. But abortion is a divisive issue, as are comprehensive sex ed and even universal health care for some. It’s true: allying abortion rights with universal health care would probably hurt the case for universal health care. So instead of getting together and agreeing that we’re all talking about the same thing (more or less), we divide it up into bits and pieces. In the end, though, all of those things affect reproductive freedom. It’s about the right to reproduce – or not – when and how we want, the right to affordable and accessible health care, the right to the knowledge we need to make informed decisions, the ability to make motherhood a viable part of our complex lives if we choose to, and the right (and the NEED) to be heard and supported when it comes to our reproductive choices – whether that means choosing not to continue a pregnancy or choosing to give birth naturally. All the little slivers of the overarching issue, put together, could mean huge advances for women’s equality.

Check out Miriam Pérez’s blog Radical Doula for lots more information on midwifery, reproductive freedom and progressive politics – it’s good stuff!

PS - thanks to Frank for the tip!

It's baaack...

2007-05-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Last month a friend called and asked for a quick consult on STI testing. I ran down a list of STIs I thought were relevant: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HIV, and herpes, HPV if insurance covered the more expensive and slightly more accurate test. "What about syphilis?" my friend asked, and I felt a little silly for having left it off the list, but (despite the outbreak in season two of Grey's Anatomy) rates of syphilis dropped enormously over the course of the 20th century, and generally speaking it's not something many people need to worry about.

But according to this Washington Post article, rates have been on the rise again in the past three years in Virginia and DC. The article alludes to outbreaks occurring in the gay male community, but the jump in numbers is alarming no matter who you're sleeping with: in the District, it went from a record low 38 reported cases in 2003 to 115 cases in 2006.

Much more info in the CDC Syphilis Fact sheet.

How I spent my day off...

2007-05-08T11:34:00.000-05:00

I just looked around and realized that I'm laying in bed with a vibrator, a bag of chocolates, and a notebook and pen. This is how days off are meant to be, I think. At least once in a while.

Sustainable Underwear

2007-05-07T14:24:00.000-05:00

Remember my quest for the perfect black lace bra? I found one. I’m not sure I’d call it perfect, but it is black lace and sexy as hell (if I do say so myself). I got the matching underwear, too, but because the website I bought the bra from didn’t have the underwear in black I had to buy it from a different company and have it shipped separately. The underwear arrived first, and as I unwrapped it I was totally blown away by the amount of packaging that had been used to send me one itty bitty piece of fabric.

It started with a brown shipping box, somewhere along the lines of 8x8x6. That’s a lot of box for not a lot of underwear. Inside the box, a couple of sheets of lavender tissue paper were meant to make me feel as though I was receiving a present. (An old trick. Back in my days at the toy store I was a sex-toy shipping queen: slip the toy into a satin storage bag, surround it with leopard print tissue, write the customer a glowing thank you note along with any care instructions for the toy, and toss in a few packets of lube to show our appreciation – that’s how you get repeat customers.) Beneath the tissue were two printouts – a return form, and an advertisement from the company – on standard paper, printed in color ink. And beneath that…

My underwear? Oh no. That would be too straightforward. Instead I found yet another box, this one about a tenth of the size of the first, printed with the fancy French lingerie company’s name. and inside that, finally, were my new panties – panties so small they fit literally in the palm of my hand. Amazing the resources that were used to get this little pair of underwear onto my bottom.

By amazing, of course, I mean sad and scary. I didn’t think to check the return address to see where they had been shipped from, but I’m guessing it was fairly far away (meaning lots of carbon output). Add to that the synthetic materials used to make the underwear, the fact that I have no idea where or how or under what conditions they were made, and you’ve got one very non-sustainable purchase. Shame on me. On the upside, the experience was significant guilt-inducing that I’ll be a lot more thoughtful the next time I purchase fancy undergarments.

Certain companies have caught on to the fact that we – ecologically conscious consumers of sexy stuff – want more than just organic cotton briefs (although those are great too). For great options in “green” underwear, check out Enamore, GreenKnickers, and Peau-Ethique. Also Buenostyle, whose "Eat Organic" panties are freaking hysterical, and BUTTA, whose products are made in Africa under good work conditions. The only problem is that every time I look at their website I can distinctly hear my first boyfriend hissing "bring me the butta" in his best mobster accent. Ah, memories.

Happy No Pants Day!

2007-05-04T10:52:00.000-05:00

I've never liked pants very much. The beau and I had only been "dating" for a couple of weeks when I walked through a rainstorm to his apartment, threw down my bag, and immediately stripped off my soaked-to-the-knees pants. At the time he was a little less keen on no-pants than myself, so I was worried that he'd think I was weird -- after all, what kind of girl walks into a room and takes off her pants? But I'm happy to report that my no-pants policy has, um, rubbed off on him.

Like the bio says, I'm a big fan of no pants time. I mean really, they just get in the way, and they're restrictive. As long as there's no one around who minds, who needs them? I'd much rather be in my underwear or my ex-boyfriend's boxers. Or in my unpants, which are size XL elastic waist tee-shirt material pants that say "Smith" across the ass. They're so comfy it's like you're not even wearing them.

Some very bright people at the University of Texas invented No Pants Day to bring no pants time to the masses. I've got to say, of all the silly made up celebrations, this is probably my favorite. Now all we need is to get business and workplaces to understand the importance of No Pants!

C'mon, take 'em off. You know you want to.

Theory Heads, Take Note

2007-05-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

Heather Corinna has written a long and very interesting post about the problematic nature of "sex positive feminism" as a category. It's really worth a read if feminist theory interests you. This response post is a little less to-the-point, more rambly, and less cohesive than my usual post, but bear with me.

Clearly, sometime this fall, I decided that "sex positive feminist" was a label I could claim for myself. Before that I had claimed "sex positive", but as for feminist... I guess I thought it went without saying. Anyway, Corinna raises some very important points, most importantly (I think) that these kinds of divisions amongst feminists aren't beneficial. While it's true that my opinions on pornography and sex work and the "adult industry" might differ from another feminist's, we still have a common goal, and for most of the relevant issues our differing perspectives on sex won't be pertinent.

She points out the sex-negative "strawfeminist" -- that is, that no such feminist exists -- to which I initially reacted "well of course no one labels herself that way." She creates a women's sexual autonomy manifesto of sorts, which is worth quoting:

To whit: women DO need the agency to have sex (or physical and emotional intimacy combined, however you’d like to put it or whatever you’d like to have) on their terms, and by their definition, that is pleasurable, that is real communion, that honors our bodies and selves.

Women DO need real sexual autonomy and ownership of our bodies and our sexualities.

Women DO need a cultural sexuality that includes them, truly allows for them, and which holds them in equal regard.

Women DO need to be able to define sex on our own terms, whatever they may be, and have equal allowance made for us to even be able to discover what our authentic sexualities and terms even are — to truly author our own sexuality — free of pressures to make our sexuality fit, support or enable a cultural model of sexuality which men created, not women, and which men created without much, if any, accord for women. Hell, we didn’t even get to be the ones who named our own parts.

She follows it with an assertion that radical feminists recognize that masculine sexual culture is one source of women's oppression. That may be true, and I also think she's right that most feminists affirm the importance of women's sexual equality, but I certainly feel like issues of sexuality are often treated as frivolous and unimportant in radfem circles. The exception, of course, is when pornography and sex work are being burned at the stake as the primary means by which men are keeping women in their place (okay, I'm taking a deep breath, I'm moving past it).

Corinna also worries that adding "sex positive" to the label "feminist" weakens it by half:

To plenty of men, that sex-positive in front of feminist says that either I am the sort of feminist they just don’t have to worry about, because I pose no real threat to them — since I don’t appear to want to take away or limit access to sex — or worse still, in some cases, it says additionally that they will get the heart of what they really want from me — sex — regardless, so who freaking cares if I’m feminist, right? So, you nod and smile when I talk women’s equality and it’s all cool: you’re still getting laid, Joe.

This reminds me of my own rejection of the term "bisexual" based on the fear that people would hear it and assume I was 'easy' or 'greedy'. A housemate of mine put "bisexual -- and still not interested in you!" in her facebook profile to combat that perception; I chose queer as a label instead, for several reasons, but definitely to prevent people from thinking that I'm just a horny bitch who'll do anyone she can get her hands on.

But if we reject terms like bisexual and sex positive based on what other people think we mean by them, aren't we just perpetuating the stereotype? I am sex-positive; that doesn't mean I'm not critical of sexual culture (in fact it may well mean I'm more critical than most), and it sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you. Why should I allow anyone to think that my intellectual and political interest in sex means I'm indiscriminate when it comes to sexual partners? I want a bumper sticker: "sex positive -- and still not interested in you!"

So. Corinna makes a lot of good points, although I don't agree with all of it. Certainly lots to think about, in any case; I think one of the most basic, and most important, points she makes is that feminist "community" isn't sweet and gooey and always supportive. It's hard, and challenging, and critical, and in order to be a part of it you have to be willing examine what's really behind your position.

"Mommy, why aren't yours that big?"

2007-05-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

Someone in a New Jersey Comcast facility was very bored yesterday morning. And possibly looking to get fired.

LINCROFT, N.J. Many New Jersey residents watching the Disney Channel Tuesday morning were outraged after the family-friendly programming turned into a pornographic display.

Jennie Sherman still can't believe what happened while she was watching the show "Handy Manny" with her two twin sons.

"We were just sitting here and the screen just froze and then all of a sudden I saw very graphic pornography on the television and I scrambled to get the remote to shut it off," Sherman told CBS 2.

Sherman said she immediately recorded the X-rated graphic video on her DVR. She then e-mailed wcbstv.com to report the shocking news.

Comcast appologized and pointed out that the mistake was theirs and not the Disney Channels.

But seriously, dude: replace MTV with porn, or even ABC Family, but the Disney Channel? That's just wrong.

no wonder I hate the long distance thing...

2007-04-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Physical Touch and Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	9
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	8
Receiving Gifts:	2
Acts of Service:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

If it were up to me... I'd take away the porn?

2007-04-27T14:18:00.000-05:00

Hello, my name is Amanda, and I'm an erototoxin addict.

Apparently Dr. Judith Reisman (whose doctorate, by the way, is in communications) believes that the Virginia Tech murders were sparked off in part by the killer's erototoxin addiction.

Erototoxins... is that some kind of new drug? Or maybe it's some kind of chemical being washed into rivers and lakes, and humans get infected by eating too much fish? Damn those chemical companies!

Oh wait, now I remember: erototoxins are a certain kind of endorphin, produced in the brain in response to our "society drenched in sadosexual arousal as entertainment" and, um, porn. Oh, and they have no base in biological reality. According to Dr. Reisman, "erototoxins" "have a toxic effect on everyone and we all know that... We don't need billion-dollar studies to know that." That's right, folks: Dr. Reisman would have us believe that all that smut we've been exposing ourselves to is poisoning our brains.

Luckily we've been informed before our addictions had a chance to go too far. For Seung-Hui Cho, the perpetrator of the Virginia Tech murders, the poison had already done it's job.

In an April 23rd editorial on World Net Daily, Reisman offers a list of contributing factors leading to the killer's actions, including the line about sadosexual arousal as entertainment and creating a mental image of him sitting "at the Internet every night, angrily lusting after naked young blondes who provoke his loins". Her analysis gives lengthy attention to his sexually explicit (and often disturbing) writing and the story that he took upskirt shots of classmates. In an interview with XFANZ, she asserts that "It's a distinct component in predators — frustrated that he can't get the girls he wants to get — and that builds up to a volcanic eruption."

What Reisman doesn't mention -- and this comes as no surprise -- is that all the porn in the world can't kill 33 people in ten minutes. It was a pair of guns that did that. To even insinuate that the cause of Cho's destructive rampage was an addiction to pornography is an insult to the victims of this complex tragedy. It disregards all of the other factors that allowed the killings to happen -- the medical treatment of people suffering from psychological disorders, the response of the University's administration to previous reports of his problems and problematic interactions with classmates, and above all the ease with which he managed to obtain the guns.

Way back in 1997 ('99? somewhere around there), Cheryl Wheeler recorded a song called "if it were up to me." I loved it in high school, but I had forgotten all about it until iTunes played it on random the other night. How incredibly timely. I'm guessing it's not the porn, judging by the number of people who use pornography and lead perfectly normal, healthy lives, but you know what? Even if porn did play some roll here, maybe there are other things we should look to first.

Lyrics reprinted below.
See also Alex Koppleman "Why Democrats Dumped Gun Control" (Salon.com)

# Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's the books
# Maybe it's the bullets, maybe it's the real crooks
# Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the parents
# Maybe it's the colors everybody's wearin
# Maybe it's the President, maybe it's the last one
# Maybe it's the one before that, what he done
# Maybe it's the high schools, maybe it's the teachers
# Maybe it's the tattooed children in the bleachers
# Maybe it's the Bible, maybe it's the lack
# Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the crack
# Maybe it's the hairdos, maybe it's the TV
# Maybe it's the cigarettes, maybe it's the family
# Maybe it's the fast food, maybe it's the news
# Maybe it's divorce, maybe it's abuse
# Maybe it's the lawyers, maybe it's the prisons
# Maybe it's the Senators, maybe it's the system
# Maybe it's the fathers, maybe it's the sons
# Maybe it's the sisters, maybe it's the moms
# Maybe it's the radio, maybe it's road rage
# Maybe El Nino, or UV rays
# Maybe it's the army, maybe it's the liquor
# Maybe it's the papers, maybe the militia
# Maybe it's the athletes, maybe it's the ads
# Maybe it's the sports fans, maybe it's a fad
# Maybe it's the magazines, maybe it's the internet
# Maybe it's the lottery, maybe it's the immigrants
# Maybe it's taxes, big business
# Maybe it's the KKK and the skinheads
# Maybe it's the communists, maybe it's the Catholics
# Maybe it's the hippies, maybe it's the addicts
# Maybe it's the art, maybe it's the sex
# Maybe it's the homeless, maybe it's the banks
# Maybe it's the clearcut, maybe it's the ozone
# Maybe it's the chemicals, maybe it's the car phones
# Maybe it's the fertilizer, maybe it's the nose rings
# Maybe it's the end, but I know one thing.
# If it were up to me, I'd take away the guns.

Planned Parenthood's Wall of Protest

2007-04-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

Oh, the age of user generated content. Planned Parenthood has created an interactive Wall of Protest, where users can post photos, videos, and comments about the Supreme Court's decision to uphold the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act. I added my two cents. I wouldn't say it's an effective tool for change, but it created quite an impression to see all of those little thumbnails and know they're all people who are as outraged and frightened as me. Here are a few choice quotes:

Dear Supreme Court, By legally mandating my pain, suffering, injury, and endangerment in the face of a safer medical alternative, you are devaluing my humanity in the worst and most institutional way. Your brutality against women and your disrespect for valid Supreme Court jurisprudence will leave blood, shame, and torture on your hands until the end of time.

I don't tell you what to do with your penis, don't tell me what to do with my vagina.

(with a photo of a baby) Beautiful Sophia. A beautiful CHOICE in my life. Please keep abortions safe and legal.

(from a fella) Reactionary fundamentalism has no place making such laws. The hubris of this abortion ban strikes at the heart of Woman, Human, and American rights.

18th century gay rights text discovered

2007-04-26T13:54:00.000-05:00

This news story totally does it for both the history nerd and the sex nerd in me:

The 18th Century writings of Thomas Cannon, believed to be one of the first gay activists, have been found by a University of Manchester academic.

According to that BBC article, the text said "Unnatural desire is a contradiction in terms; downright nonsense." I'm pretty sure this judge would agree with him wholeheartedly. I myself don't think I'd go quite that far, but I'm pretty sure his heart was in the right place. Interesting stuff!

PS: Dear BBC, when did 1749 become "ancient"?

So, things have been a little crazy...

2007-04-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

I worked a two-week stint of ten-hour days -- and as soon as that was over, I had a convenient couple of days of to move into (drumroll, please...) my new apartment! The last several days have been a flurry of moving and shopping for accouterments (like an absolutely beautiful set of dishes that I decided to splurge on a little, since hey, I'm going to be eating off of them for a while) and opening a bank account here (since at this point it's pretty clear I'll be here a while) and getting internet installed and having online Ikea dates with the Beau to pick out our furniture and... it's been a little overwhelming, but also very gratifying.

Meanwhile, I've missed out on commenting on all kinds of things -- especially the Supreme Court's unfortunate decision to uphold the Partial Birth Abortion Act as constitutional, and North Dakota's trigger law (which will make abortion illegal in the state immediately upon a reversal of Roe v. Wade, heaven forbid). At this point, pretty much anything I would have said has been said. It's all fucking terrifying.

In much better news: Massachusetts has joined the list of states which will decline federal money for abstinence-only programming! Way to go, Deval. We knew you could do it.

Over at Eden Fantasys, my review of the Swinging Pendulum has gone up, as well as an article I wrote for them about Phthalates and sex toys -- check it out!

So: my apologies for the dearth of posts, readers dear. Things ought to get back to normal around here now -- I hope -- for a few weeks at least!

(also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite veggie connoisseur!)

The American Family Association wants your opinion!

2007-04-24T18:28:00.000-05:00

The American Family Association (ugh, just the name makes me shudder. It's so disgustingly biased.) want to know what you think of corporations supporting "the Homosexual Agenda." They've got a combination poll/petition up on their website, which poses the following:

Several corporations are now supporting the homosexual agenda. These companies have been convinced by homosexual activists and the mainstream media that in order to be “fair and tolerant,” companies must make special rules for homosexuals and provide company money and resources to help promote their lifestyle. Many companies, at the urging of these groups, have also begun to support same-sex marriage.

The poll then asks you if you would be more or less likely to support a company who supported the homosexual agenda, or if it wouldn't make a difference. Filling out the petition signs you onto their email list, but you can unsubscribe (after you confirm your vote) by sending a blank email to leave-afapetition@lists.afa.net.

Those nice people at AFA want to know what we think -- I think we ought to tell them!

Click here to answer the poll.

Things Fall Apart

2007-04-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

So, apparently the world is falling apart. Nothing new, I guess. Like most people, I'm angry and sad and horrified and scared and sad, sad, sad. I want to take a moment and acknowledge a few things that have happened in the past week. I've started thinking of them in my head as "reasons to become a hermit," although I don't actually believe that's the answer.

I spent all of Monday glued to the radio, terrified to leave, unable to turn it off despite the fact that my heart was alternately in my throat and my stomach. There are no words to express... but for what it's worth, my thoughts are with the students, staff, and faculty at VA Tech, and with the families and friends of the victims.

My heart also goes out to the 23 year old Columbia grad student who was raped, tortured, and left for dead on a burning futon -- and still found the will to escape.

And to the friends and family of Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell, whose body was found in the Philippines more than a week after she disappeared while on a hike.

And to the loved ones of the more than 180 people killed in the series of bombings in Baghdad the past two days.

If there was ever a time to call the people you love, I think this is it.

Spanking Dilemma Solved!

2007-04-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

Isn't it beautiful? Coco de Mer, the company that makes it, uses fair-trade and renewable resources, and they make truly beautiful, classy looking products. The product description:

A classic wooden paddle, handcrafted by a passionate English spanker. This paddle is ethically made by a fair trade project in India and the wood from a substainable source. So spank away for a better world!

Good stuff, right? Their leather cuffs are beautiful as well, and totally belong on my kinky wishlist.

Abstinence-only programs don't work? Shock!

2007-04-15T14:42:00.000-05:00

Bloglandia is abuzz this weekend with the news that a federally funded study of “abstinence only” sex education programs found that they are not effective in reducing sexual activity or increasing age at first sexual activity amongst young people. The study, by Mathematica Policy Research Inc., followed participants from four abstinence-only programs as well as young people from the same communities who were not receiving structured sex education. It is by far the largest study that has been done on the topic, looking at more than two thousand students in cities and in rural communities and conducting long-term follow up research. The four programs studied were chosen because they were supposed to be the “all-star” programs. The federal government spends $176 million funding abstinence-only sex education programs annually (and approximately, oh, PRACTICALLY NOTHING on comprehensive sexuality education). Put it all together into once sentence and this is what you get:

A federally funded study has demonstrated that the government is spending $176 million annually on abstinence education programs that are ineffective while refusing to seriously fund other, potentially more effective comprehensive programs.

This is big news, right? And yet, somehow, it got buried. It was released late on a Friday. There was hardly a word about it on NPR, and major media outlets like the New York Times and CNN have only posted the AP story (the Washington Post does have a staff-written story up, and it’s good). The Bush administration immediately went into spin-control mode, as evidenced by a soundbite from Harry Wilson, a top official at the Administration for Children and Families: "This study isn't rigorous enough to show whether or not [abstinence-only] education works." Clearly this administration wouldn’t recognize rigorous research if it bit them on the ass – I’m suddenly reminded of the rigorous research (read: forged letter) that served as evidence enough for us to start a war in Iraq.

The Medical Institute for Sexual Health, a pro-abstinence organization, released a statement about the report in which they claim that the “small and unrepresentative study sample” (of the programs, that is, not the participants) and “methodological issues” mean that “the study findings provide an insufficient basis for policy decisions.” Clearly, no evidence will ever be enough for these people. They would much rather look to the results from tiny, poorly conducted studies that make their programs look good.

Meanwhile, the researcher at Mathematica who was in charge of the study is quick to point out that the students receiving abstinence-only sex education were no less likely than their peers to use protection when they began having sex. According to the AP article,

“Trenholm said his second point of emphasis was important because some critics of abstinence programs have contended that they lead to less frequent use of condoms.”

In actuality, I think it’s fair to point out, most critics of abstinence-only programs contend that they lead to less frequent use of condoms compared to comprehensive sex education. From what I can tell, this study didn’t examine where or how the control group students were getting their sexual information. No one expects young people to just spontaneously use condoms – that’s why we have a responsibility to educate them about risks and options and consequences with all of the information in our arsenal.

Like I was saying, though: this is big news, despite the fact that it isn’t getting the attention it deserves. The major funding program for abstinence programs is going to expire in June, at which point Congress will have to consider whether or not to renew it. This study gives proponents of comprehensive sexuality education all the evidence they need to get some changes made. Big things are on the horizon, kids. Us sex educator types might actually be able to get jobs some time in the next 5 years!

speaking of sex educators: photo by the brilliant and beautiful G. Reichert !

He's On Top (just where I like him)

2007-04-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

People who know me personally know that I have a pretty big friendcrush on Rachel Kramer Bussel, so when I got the chance to participate in her Kinky Virtual Book Tour (For He's On Top and She's On Top, two kinky anthologies she edited) I jumped at the opportunity. Then again, I'm always eager to please! Which brings be back to the subject at hand...

Sometimes I wonder, when “vanilla” people dream of good sex, what do they dream about?

The obvious answer is that -- well, there isn’t an obvious answer. There are endless permutations of “good sex”, dependent entirely on the people involved and their own kinks, fantasies, and sexual history. If you love being ball-gagged, for example, but the idea of gagging you is a turn-off for your partner, it’s not likely to make for hot sex even if you do manage to talk him into it. I had a woman approach me in the store this summer while her husband stood nervously near the entrance. “Do you have anything that will make me want to have sex?” she asked in a barely audible whisper. I tried to suggest clitoral stimulating gel, but then she explained the real problem: she wanted to be roughed up, and her husband was only interested in slow, sweet, romantic sex. We talked for a bit longer, but I wasn’t able to suggest anything that sounded really viable to her. As she left, I thought dear god, please don’t ever let me end up in that situation!

Kinky or vanilla or anywhere in between, though, trust and vulnerability pervade the good sex fantasies of a great many people. Whether you want to be having slow, passionate, stare-deeply-into-my-eyes-and-tell-me-you-love-me sex, or hard, fast, please-Sir-fuck-me-harder sex, many find that the best sex forces you to bare more than just your naughty bits. The occasional fling with someone you barely know can be really freaking hot, but it doesn’t compare to the cerebral sex that happens between people who trust each other utterly.

Trust becomes especially important when you’re a bottom, when having sex sometimes literally means putting your life in your partner’s hands. When you’re bound, your faith in that other person must go well beyond knowing they’ll hear and listen to your safeword. A good top tries to know at all times what it going on for the bottom. In turn, a Dom must trust his sub to be honest and straightforward about what’s going on for her – and if she doesn’t trust him, she won’t be. That exchange is the kind of sexy that takes your breath away.

That’s what I liked best about He’s On Top. The women in this collection are tied up and held down, spanked and teased and humiliated, all for their own pleasure and by men who, invariably, adore them. There’s no doubt that these stories will get any lover of female submission hot and bothered, but what’s surprising is that this is a book of love stories. Hot sex is shot through with trust and vulnerability, worshipful subs and the men who have agreed to protect them and guide them to the farthest reaches of their boundaries.

The narrator of Lisabet Sarai’s story Incurable Romantic, for example, is clearly smitten with his “perfect slave.” The story leads him through his love for her, his lust for other women, and his knowledge that, whatever else goes on in his life, Ilsa trusts him to be the kind of Dom she needs. He, in turn, must be willing to continually cultivate that trust.

In Yes by Donna George Storey, it’s the she who pushes his boundaries at first. She knows what she wants and asks for it shyly, and it unleashes in him a desire to push her further, as far as she thinks she can go, and then even a little bit beyond that. The story ends with some of the best writing I’ve ever seen in an erotic story, including this little snippet:

“Your chest swells with the possibility of it, because you can do anything together. You can push her over the edge and catch her at the bottom, soft and safe in your arms. You can watch her dance and be inside her all at the same time, because you are the music she’s dancing to now, faster and faster.”

The book arrived, conveniently, on day two of my Beau’s 10 day visit. We read a couple of the stories together, and they got his stamp of approval as well, although that may have had something to do with the fact that I started trying to get into his pants before the first story was even halfway over. But isn’t that what good erotica is for?

This is definitely good erotica, full of steamy stories which emphasize what SM relationships are really about: trust and vulnerability, admiration, a sense of responsibility, and the desire to give and receive, take and be taken. Now if you'll pardon me, I have some more reading to catch up on.

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What's next on the Kinky Virtual Book Tour? Click here to find out!

Sex Nerds Do It Better

2007-04-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

A couple of things:

Stormy Leather has been bought out by JT's Stockroom. Although I'm sad to see them "go", Stockroom.com assures that it plans on bringing the entire production team on board -- hopefully they'll continue to produce the same fabulous products, because the leather corset selection at stockroom.com is relatively tiny. Stormy Leather's retail store in San Francisco is having a big blow-out sale April 20th-30th... So, um, if anyone who lives there (like maybe a certain awesome baker-turned-PA!) wanted to go and get a Genevieve Corset (size small, please), I would love her forever even more (and express-mail a check, of course).

Also, the always witty Melissa Gira has a post up at Sexerati that's worth a glance-and-giggle: The 10 Reasons Why Sex Nerds Make Better Lovers. It's true, too, I can vouch from personal experience. I swear I'm only dating sex educators from now on. I think #3 is my favorite: sex nerds need study breaks. Let that be a lesson to friends and housemates who would walk in to a room saying "don't be having sex!" as though that were the furthest thing from possible.

"I was on my way to work!"

2007-04-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

I don't own a black lace bra. I'm pretty sure this is some kind of sex-blogger crime. When I told my (underwear loving) roommate that I was looking for one, she said "you mean you don't have one?" as though the sky was falling down around her.

So yes, I'm looking for the perfect black lace bra. Preferably with matching panties. I want it for a lot of reasons: to go with my black garter belt, to show off to my beau, to take naughty pictures in. Mostly, though, I want it because I deserve it, and because I haven't splurged on really lovely undergarments in a very long time.

I've scoured the internets and come up with a few contenders. Let me tell you, it's been hard work looking at all those ~~nipples~~bras. Whew.

So, blogosphere, have any personal favorites? I'm looking for something with lace cups, not padded (I'm happy with what I've got, thanks) but with underwire, more lace than mesh, but definitely something that shows a little nipple -- because what's a lace bra without some nipple?

Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference in the title of this post. More bonus points to anyone who gets that damn song out of my head.

Spankers and Slappers and Paddles, Oh My!

2007-04-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

I stood in front of the wall of spankers and slappers, fingering the wooden paddle. I liked its dimensions, but the handle felt too narrow to be held comfortably for any length of time. It was black, but poorly painted. It was dotted with little holes to eliminate wind resistance, making for a sharper, faster smack. That was good. But it looked to be made out of some cheap wood and I could already see it splintering around the holes. I pictured splinters in my ass. That was bad.

I remembered the paddles I’d seen online the night before. Unfortunately, my conscience and my wallet rejected the beautiful and expensive exotic wood paddles on spankers-r-us-dot-com. I let out a sigh, said my goodbyes to the cute gay boy at the counter, and headed out of the leather store and across the street to the woman-owned sex toy store.

I had been in the store before, but couldn’t remember if they even had an SM section. As upscale erotic boutiques go, this one… well, isn’t. All the decent toys – the Vixen products, the glass and metal toys, and the rabbit habits – are kept in glass display cases. Prime retail real-estate is devoted to cheesy, crude, cheap, ugly novelty items for use at bachelorette parties. There’s an enormous rack of trashy lingerie (y’know, the fun stuff), which I’ll admit I perused with interest before remembering that my A’s were unlikely to fill any of those outfits. Then I remembered why I was there. I approached the young women behind the counter, amused at my own feeling of camaraderie with these women I’d never met. When I asked for paddles, I was led to a room blocked off with a velvet rope. The clerk opened it for me, pointed me to the paddles and stood there waiting. Apparently we the people cannot be trusted alone with punishment implements.

I took off my jacket, lifted one leather paddle and smacked it against my forearm. Wimpy. I put it back and picked up the other, which was also leather but with a metal bar down the middle of the interior. This made me nervous. I went a little easy on my forearm. It was good, but not great. It wasn’t terribly well made despite its overcompensating price tag, and I could picture the leather wearing through. The woman standing behind me was making me nervous anyway, so I put it back, thanked her, and headed out.

I’ve been spanked by hand, flogged, belted, and even smacked with the back of a hairbrush. I don’t have a favorite (okay, that’s a lie, I love the belt). I like sting, but I crave the thud of a heavy paddle, the kind of pain that turns into an ache and is accentuated by each subsequent smack. I’ve scanned all the usual suspects online (you know the stores I’m talking about) and I’m not falling in love with anything. I’m intrigued by the idea of paddles made from recycled tire rubber – I mean, does it get anymore environmentally friendly than that – but I’m pretty sure they’re no longer being manufactured. A shame, since they look awfully painful.

Sigh. Whatever is a naughty girl to do?

photo: Rainbow Nights Paddle at EdenFantasys.com

Quick Linkage

2007-04-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

I'll second this:

I’m not interested in reading about someone else’s fucking. I’m interested in reading about their love, or their power exchange, or their discovery, or their life. A sex session may be the best way to illustrate one of those themes, but if there’s not a theme beyond sex, I’ll buy a Hustler Variations. At least I can read that on the subway.

-Mandy at How About Now

more soon. posts will be eratic for a while as I'm doing nearly 12 days straight of ten hour days!

TAG! You're It!

2007-04-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

Preheated, the culinary cutie behind For The Love of Cake and Cock, has tagged me with the Thinking Blogger Award! I'm totally flattered.

Here's what happens now: I pick 5 blogs that make me think and tag them here. Those bloggers then pick their own five, and then those bloggers... you get the idea.

Sassywho, who authors I Never Leave the House Without Incident, posts an extremely entertaining and enlightening mix of political commentary and personal anecdotes with a sprinkling of well-chosen clips from youtube. Sometimes I think "sassy" might be an understatement!

A's Pursut of Pleasure is a college student's tales of love and lust. Smut for the thinking man, and very good stuff.

Amber, of Being Amber Rhea, is as tech savvy as she is poltically savvy. She's the kind of person who's writing makes you want to be her friend. She must've been tagged before, but since it's not on her very first page I'm tagging her anyway (so there!).

Veggie Love! This girl seriously loves her veggies, and her posts are incredibly engaging -- which is even more remarkable when you know how quickly she writes them!

Jessica Gold Haralson seems to have gotten caught up in the demands of being a full-time college student -- her posts have slowed down a lot recently. Nonetheless, she's a smart writer with a lot to say about sexual culture and politics (not that that stuff interests you, readers dear).

That ought to be enough linkage to keep you procrastinating for a while, eh?

Warning: This Post Is Not About Sex.

2007-04-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

And it's kinda sad.

One of my dogs had to be put down this morning. Blazer was twelve and a half, which is old in Siberian Husky Years. I hadn't seen him since January, when I gave him a goodbye snuggle and admonished him not to die before I saw him again. A week or two ago my mother let me know that things weren't looking good -- his eyesight was going, he whined all the time and slept very little, and he'd gotten too weak to walk up the stairs to go to bed at night (which led me to imagine my father carrying a 60lb Sibe up the stairs, and it's a pretty funny image, especially because I'm sure Blaze would have fought it the whole time).

I found out when I called this morning to leave a message for my parents, both of whom I knew would be at work, and my 17 year old sister answered. I was, of course, walking down the street on my way to a coffee shop to write for a while when she told me. I stood still on the sidewalk, trying to keep it together, and managed until I tried to say goodbye. I hung up, cried, was embarrassed to be crying in public and over a dog (when so many people wouldn't understand), pulled it together, called Beau and started crying all over again when I heard his voice on his voicemail message.

Blazer was the Alpha Male, although he started to lose that position in the group towards the end. Koda will take over now, I'm sure -- he's one of the smartest dogs I've ever known. I asked my sister how Hoover was handling it -- Hoover is a little slow(to say the least), and he really loved and relied on Blazer. Ab said she was pretty sure Hoover didn't get it; he stood there wagging his tail at Blazer's body as if to say "come on, get up, come play!" Tucker, on the other hand, apparently got it right away -- the first thing he did was find and sniff the injection site. When they took the rest of the dogs back into the house, Hoover tried to slip his collar to go back out and be with Blazer.

Needless to say, I'm finding it a little hard to write about sex right now. This is the problem with being a Big Girl and moving away from home; animals, and eventually people, will die, and I won't be there when it happens.

Blaze is the one in the photo who's trying to jump out of my dad's Lemans. He's furious that my mother put a pink scarf on him for the christmas photo.

The Youth Sex Crisis

2007-04-04T13:10:00.000-05:00

This is a quick taste of a longer, more analytical post to come.

I'd like to bring two news stories to your attention.

First, in New Hampshire, parents are protesting an edition of the high school newspaper whose organizing theme was "Sex". The content, which the editor said had "been edited and re-edited for content and delivery, keeping in mind that the job here is to inform, not shock," contained an article about lesbianism and a quiz with a question about (GASP!) anal sex. In the AP article, one parent comments that "I thought it was a vile, disgusting piece of pornography I wouldn't want to be in front of children, let alone paid for by taxpayers."

Meanwhile, four 5th graders in Louisiana have been arrested on charges of obscenity for having sex in an unattended classroom. A fifth student has been arrested and charged with being an accessory after the fact. The students were 11, 12, and 13 years old. This comes on the heels of an incident in Indiana where two 6th graders had sex in class with a teacher present -- a case which the school tried to hush up.

Setting aside for the moment how completely and utterly ridiculous it is to arrest 12 year olds for having sex, maybe we should use these two news stories as a reminder of something we seem to forget as a culture: young people are curious about sex. They have been forever. It's normal. Maybe if we tried talking to them about it instead of making it a taboo, adults-only topic we could make their exploration a little safer, healthier, less public, and maybe even a little less hands-on.

Tantus G-Spot Review and a Headache

2007-03-30T13:24:00.000-05:00

My review of the Tantus G-spot is up at EdenFantasys!

Products from Tantus are hand-made with high-quality silicone. No phthalates there, folks! This wasn't the best toy I've ever used, but I think it would make a good g-spot toy for use with a harness, so if you use one of those you should check it out.

In other news: apparently my immune system survives full-on attacks better than guerrilla warfare. Ten days of throwing caution to the wind with my sick boyfriend got me approximately two days of mildly sore throat. Then my roommate got sick, and somehow -- even though I make out with her a lot less than I make out with my beau -- today I feel like hell. Go figure.

Keroack Resigns

2007-03-30T12:12:00.000-05:00

Eric Keroack has resigned as head of the federal Office of Population Affairs due to some legal action being taken against his MA based private practice. In a message to their pro-choice action network, NARAL is calling it a victory. I'm glad to be rid of the guy too, but I don't see how this is a victory. If he had been forced to resign, maybe because... oh, I don't know, maybe because he doesn't believe in providing birth control? Then it would be a victory. As it is, since the protests of Dems in congress and reproductive rights activists around the country didn't seem to register with the Administration, Bush will probably just appoint more of the same.

But we can hope. And like I said, good riddance. Click here to go send a letter urging President Bush to "take this opportunity to appoint a medical professional who actually believes in birth control to lead the nation’s family-planning program."

Gentleman's Quarterly? That's a laugh.

2007-03-29T12:58:00.000-05:00

In their April issue, GQ is running an article titled Where to Find Her, 2007. The caption beneath the title reads, “A whole world of smart, beautiful women are out there, from the beaches of Uruguay to aisles of Whole Foods. We searched far and wide to discover the best spots on the planet to meet them.”

The article, which if full of pictures of women who are indeed beautiful (in the most current sense), contains a sidebar which describes where not to find her. The list is meant as a joke; for example, men are instructed not to look for her at the family reunion, in high school, or while on vacation with the wife and kids. They’re also instructed not to look in Hooters or a Red Light District window, since of course women who use their bodies to make money cannot be both smart and beautiful (nor would they be fit company for a gentleman – for more than a night, that is).

According to the article, men should also avoid looking for her at a goat show in Tijuana, on Mykonos, and at Smith College.

I suppose I don’t even need to tell you that Smithies are pissed. Well, some Smithies at least. The Facebook group “F*ck You, GQ: Smithies are Beautiful” has 487 members as of 1pm today, and that number has grown by more than a hundred since I looked last night. The group constitutes a call to action to Smithies to send photos of themselves showing off their inner beauty and confidence to the editor of GQ to demonstrate their beauty. From the website:

…while this list offends all different types of nationalities, sexualities, religions, hobbies, and age groups in addition to ALL WOMEN EVERYWHERE, I feel that it is our JOB to stand up for our college. Smith does not get enough positive publicity. This article appears in a well-known, well-read magazine. It offends our school, our intelligence, our beauty, and our beliefs. It lowers us to a worthless thing. According to GQ, we are merely a place where smart and beautiful women cannot be found…

I am damn proud of my Alma Mater, and make a point of loudly declaring myself a Smithie whenever possible. Smithies are beautiful on many different levels, and it’s really hard to be at Smith if you’re not smart. But there’s another thing Smithies are, and it’s the thing that got the college landed in this article.

Smithies are Queer.

Okay, wait, don’t get mad at me yet. I know that not all Smithies like the ladies or identify with the queer community in any way. After all, some of my best friends are straight. But Smith has a reputation for being The Big Gay. Now, that reputation doesn’t go as far as you might think – in fact, it’s primarily known by people who went to other Small Liberal Arts Colleges in the Northeast. Students at SLACs like Dartmouth, Wesleyan (technically a University, I know), and our own beloved Amherst, as well as those at other women’s colleges know Smith’s reputation for being queer. I’d be willing to bet $20 that the person who contributed Smith College to the list either went to a Northeastern SLAC or to UMASS Amherst.

Although there are debates about how Smith got its gay reputation, I am proud of the atmosphere at the college that allows that reputation to thrive. Smithies are open-minded, tolerant, willing to learn from each other and politically and ideologically minded. It’s a tough place to be conservative, and I’d like to see both students and faculty make a more concerted effort to have those kinds of political discourses, but in general I think that Smith is a good place to learn how to be who you are. If that means that the “gentlemen” who read GQ don’t want to date us, so be it – we can do better than them, anyway. You know, like by having partners who respect us.

Sex in the News: Rhythm Method Woes

2007-03-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

Now birth control can be as easy as not having sex two weeks out of every month! We no longer have to worry about -- wait, WHAT? No sex for half of every month?

You've probably heard of the rhythm method. Young people often receive a simplistic version of this complex birth control method i.e. "A woman can count the days since her last period and not have sex around the 14th day, which is when she ovulates." The method is often joked about -- after all, this is the only form of family planning approved by the Catholic Church. How many married childless Catholics do you know?

Of course, not all women ovulate on the 14th day, and (when practiced correctly) the rhythm method is a lot more complex than just counting days. The sympto-thermal method of family planning (which has evolved from "counting days") requires a woman to wake up at the same time every morning to take her temperature (called basal body temperature), monitor her cervical secretions, and keep a fertility calendar. During her two most fertile weeks of the month -- which other research suggests is when she'll want it the most -- the couple must abstain from sex. A recently released report on a German study reveals that, when practiced properly (one might say "religiously"), the method has a .6% failure rate, which is comparable with hormonal birth control.

But according to this article in the Scientific American, failure rates for normal couples are actually much higher. I know, I know, you're shocked. You thought that young women, some of whom can't even remember to take their pill at the same time every day, would simply jump at the chance to get up early on weekends and get all up-close and personal with their lady-juices. Not to mention the fact that it's a good way to get out of sex for half the month -- more, if you don't have sex during your period -- since, of course, women don't actually enjoy sex.

Okay, I'll be serious. The thing is, if you're willing (and have the leisure) to be diligent about it, fertility awareness is a great option. It means you don't have to put hormones into your body -- and the environment -- in order to effectively avoid getting pregnant. Fertility awareness over long periods of time is also of use when it comes to intentionally getting pregnant. I'd even go so far as to argue that charting her fertility can put a woman more in touch with her body and her sexuality. This is a family planning method that deserves a place in the adult birth control arsenal. For the average person, though, this isn't going to be the right option.

So, what do we tell the kids? Not the kids, so much as the teens: a book called Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body, which describes fertility cycles in detail, is stirring up debate among proponents of comprehensive sex ed. Some argue that giving teens too much information about their fertility cycles will lead them to have unprotected sex on days the believe they are "safe". Others say that young women should be given as much information as possible about their bodies, and support the book. Cycle Savvy doesn't go into detail about fertility charting or discuss in detail which days are less fertile. It contains no reference to any day of the month being "safe", and encourages young people to always use protection, describing fertility planning as a useful tool for adults.

All of that being said, I have a confession to make: as sex-educated as I am, I still consider the rhythm method when having sex. Not the fancy sympto-thermal method, either. I wouldn't say it's my primary birth control method, but I usually find myself counting days, as in "okay, I'm on day 15 of my 24 day cycle, what are the odds I'll get pregnant if something goes wrong?" And when I was younger, there was a point in time -- before my 17th birthday, when I went on the pill -- when I did use the so-called rhythm method as my sole form of birth control. If I'd had this book to explain to me just how complicated fertility awareness really is, maybe I'd have thought twice. I fail to see how arming girls with solid information about their own bodies could ever be a bad thing.

Walk On Eggshells

2007-03-27T14:17:00.000-05:00

Last night, a man came into my place of employment. He'd been in before; last time he'd stayed only a short while, and commented to me that he didn't like the music that was playing. When he came in last night, I smiled like I do at every customer, and cracked a joke: "I'm playing NPR tonight, so you don't have to run away from the Dylan." He laughed, was surprised I remembered him. "That's great!" he said. "And you're here consistently, so you'll be easy to track down."

Only a mildly weird comment, right? His body language made clear that he was getting ready to chat me up, though, so I decided not to play too nice. "That's kind of a creepy thing to say, actually," I told him, arching my eyebrows. "Oh jesus," he groaned, "you're one of those fucking paranoid..."

"I'm kidding!" I said, cutting him off, "and anyway, I just won't tell you my last name." He started to change the subject, but then he backtracked:

"You know, I hate that men have to walk on eggshells around women now. It hasn't always been this way, you know. This has just happened in the last five years or so. It's like you can't say anything to a woman without her getting all paranoid."

"Seriously, I was just kidding," I said, although what I was thinking was you fucking misogynist. "But anyway," I added, "women have had to deal with being afraid of men for ages. I think men will have to walk on eggshells for a while, spend some time really examining their own privilege, before things will ever be equal."

He made a face. Isn't that vindictive?" he asked, and it turned out to be rhetorical. "I'm still getting over my ex... now she was paranoid, like seriously..." He trailed off and looped his index finger near his temples, the western hemisphere's sign for crazy. He paused, then he continued, "But you know, I was just making an offhand comment, and you took it and went someplace dark. You went someplace dark and twisty with that. There are some really crazy people out there these days, some real kooks on the street, it's true, but it isn't me, it isn't men like me, it's these women who think men are out to get them."

At this point I was completely uncomfortable -- too uncomfortable and nervous to even be angry. Nice Girl is so ingrained that I felt like I couldn't ask him to leave with other people in the store, so I let him talk and nodded and pretended to listen. He told me I was cute. I thanked him. He told me about his band, gave me a flyer, signed it. Asked if I had a boyfriend, and I told him I did. He asked if I was in love and I told him I am. He went on about what a shame it was, but I was nice and young and -- was I 18? yes, okay, good -- had plenty of time to change my mind. How old did I think he was? Actually, never mind, he hadn't slept in a few days, he'd ask me again the next time we talked. I still didn't tell him I hoped there wouldn't be a next time. I was too busy hoping the situation would just go away.

He held out his hand for me to shake as he was leaving and I took it, happy he was heading for the door, but then he turned my hand over and kissed it. I yanked it away and gave him a dirty look. I spent most of the rest of the evening feeling vaguely nauseous.

There was more to it than that, but the details are fuzzy. It's hard to put into words exactly what was so unnerving about the interaction; in text it looks like he was just some patronizing asshole trying to get a date. But in the moment it felt like I was being manipulated, talked down to, and searched out. I don't like that he knows where he can find me.

More than that, though, I think the incident left me shaky because I didn't stand up for myself. I should have told him exactly where to go the moment he called me paranoid -- you try walking down a dark street at night by yourself in my (female) body, and tell me if you feel paranoid. It makes me SO angry to have to be concerned for my safety in a city where very few men have that same feeling. It makes me furious that I can't just pick up and travel the world by myself, working odd jobs along the way, without constantly being on guard. And it makes me literally sick to my stomach that I couldn't tell this asshole that I'm not fucking interested and to get his chauvinist ass the hell out of my store. If I can't stand up for myself, what kind of feminist am I?

Then, this afternoon, I came across a link on Amber's blog to a post by Sassywho, whose blog I Never Leave the House Without Incident is a consistently good read. This post made me want to yell and cry all at once. As Amber says, "HELL FUCKING YES." Go read the whole post, but I'll snip the best part for you:

I am the Woman that misogynists love to hate. I am the Sister, who, before puberty I could kick your ass, or at least take as good of a beating as you could give. The Tom-boy on the playground who did not respond to you telling her that girls couldn't play football, instead tackled your ass when you caught the ball.

I am the Slut that owns her sexuality, and will insist that you give me head or there will be very little chance of another sexual encounter. I am the Tease that allowed you to buy me dinner, but that does not give you an automatic pass to my body for the evening. I am the Irresponsible Hussy who if we had an oooops and I did not want to have children, I would be at the clinic as soon as I found out with $400 in hand and a smile on my face.

I am the Cunt who challenged your ideas in a meeting, and it even turns out I was right. I am the Whore who has slept with more men than your quota for a woman who deserves your respect, even if it is less than your number. I am the Fucking Slut who responds to your verbal abuse while I am bartending by making you wear that beer you just ordered.

I am the Bitch who wants equality in a relationship and refuses to be your mother. I am the Ballbuster who isn't intimidated by your masculinity. I am the Wife that was not okay with your 15+ affairs, so I had an affair myself before I left. I am the Fucking Bitch who filed a restraining order on your ass and prosecuted you to the fullest extent of the law when you tried to intimidate me and my friends with harassment to keep me in the relationship. I am a Misogynists worst nightmare.

I hope that asshole comes back in. I have a few things I'd like to say to him.

The Books of Summer

2007-03-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, there are times when working at a sex toy store gets boring. Yes, even in Provincetown, even in the summer. During the week, especially on really gorgeous beach days, we’d often be terribly, horribly, poke-your-eyeballs-out slow. All by myself at the smaller of the two commercial street stores, with the door closed and the AC blasting, I’d survey my options: rearrange the displays for the hundredth time, take a demo model (and a condom!) up to the attic for a test-run, or pick a book from the shelves to peruse. Occasionally I’d fuss with the displays. I never actually took a toy upstairs, although I seriously considered it on occasion. Most often, I ended up reading a book. I read a lot of books. If you’re looking for something to read in your spare time – something, that is, that’s a little easier to curl up in bed with than your computer – take a look at what I thought of the books of summer!

I started with a pair of SM novels. Carrie’s Story and its sequel, Safe Word, both by Molly Weatherfield, follow a young woman (the eponymous Carrie) from her introduction to SM through her experience as a trained pony. The first book was sexy and intense and pushed my kinky boundaries. I’d never so much as thought about the idea of a 24/7 relationship before then, and although it still doesn’t really appeal to me, there are aspects of it that are exciting to imagine. The sequel, though, felt a little like sexual tourism. Butt plugs with horsehair tails attached? Pony carts? Slave auctions? After work I’d sit at my computer for an hour, looking up websites on pony play, trying to make myself understand that this stuff does in fact happen. Don’t get me wrong; Safe Word was a good read (with an interesting ending). It just also happened to be an eye opener for me.

From there I moved on to some lesbian pulp fiction, which was terribly depressing. If you’ve never read any, let me summarize the plot (because there’s more or less only one): mild mannered straight woman meets extremely seductive lesbian; “straight” woman is seduced; people find out and trouble ensues. In the end, the “straight” woman is saved or cured, and the lesbian dies or goes crazy. Published in the 50’s and 60’s, these books are interesting from a historical and sociological perspective – in a sense, they’re the mid 20^th century’s prescriptive literature. I’m sure I’ve got some friends-of-friends who’ve written women’s studies papers on the topic, in fact, or if they haven’t they ought to. Anything by Ann Bannon is classic, and there are some great anthologies of lesbian pulp fiction out there.

Slammerkin by Emma Donoghue was a fabulous read, but then it did combine sex and history (two of my favorite topics, if you hadn’t noticed). The novel takes the bits and pieces left to us by history of a young woman whose name made the news in 18^th century England and fleshes them out, creating an engaging and intriguing story. Historical fiction fans will love this one.

Best Sex Writing 2005 left me, like the best lovers, wanting more. Although some of the pieces are sexy, it isn’t a collection of erotica – it’s a collection of sex journalism. I keep meaning to pick up 2006.

Noelle Howey’s Dress Codes weaves her own memoirs in with biographies of her mother and father and the story of her father’s social and medical transition to female; she writes with grace, humor and compassion, making the book and entertaining read even if the situation isn’t a familiar one for you.

I was utterly entertained by Bingo, by the prolific Rita Mae Brown (and before you ask, no, I never got around to reading Rubyfruit Jungle, and no, that doesn’t make me a bad queer). The familial fiction, clearly based on Ms. Brown’s own experience, had me laughing out loud even when there were customers in the store. It relates the story of Nickle, an out lesbian having an affair with a man, and her cast of friends and family. I found myself saying “YES! That’s my family!” over and over. Six of One, the book that precedes Bingo in the story of Runnymede, is high on my to-read list.

Eventually I ran out of fiction and had exhausted our entire library of Dykes to Watch Out For (and Allison Bechdel’s graphic memoir, Fun Home). I skipped past the exhausting shelf of “How To Have Lesbian Sex” books – honestly, why is it that publishing companies think women need so much help figuring out how to do it?

I read SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, which is a fabulous beginner's guide (and intermediate's guide, actually) in terms of tools, tricks, and safety. The author is about as well-informed as one can possibly be, but the book is definitely written from an “SM scene” perspective; I kept finding myself thinking that anyone who just wanted to tie up her girlfriend once in a while would be completely overwhelmed by the details of floggers vs. paddles, etc. On the other hand, the section on consent and negotiation is crucial and extremely accessible.

I fancy myself a sex educator, and as such it’s important to me to read books on a wide variety of sexual health topics – even if they don’t apply directly to me. A Survivor’s Guide to Sex was interesting and informative and certainly got me thinking. The way that we relate to our sexual selves is so complex, and I liked the way the book highlighted that. It made for an enlightening read. I read large portions of The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. I seem to remember not liking parts of what I read, although I can’t recall why, but I clearly remember the light that switched on in my head when I realized how complicated sex can be. The way we shroud it in secrecy makes it much more difficult for people with disabilities to get what they need in the bedroom.

Following that, I read A Hand in the Bush, which is a guide to vaginal fisting. If you own a vagina, you probably don’t need this book. Allow me to sum it up: cut your nails, go slow, and use lots of lube. I tried to follow that up with Anal Pleasure and Health, but I had a fainting spell while reading about anal fissures and decided to set that one aside. It was full of wonderful, important information for men and women looking to engage in anal play. It just happened to make me very dizzy.

“But Amanda,” I hear you asking, “what about the smut? Didn’t you read any good erotica this summer?” Oh boy, did I. I also read some erotica that was only okay at best, but we’ll just talk about the good stuff. Exposed is a collection of stories by Alison Tyler. This collection didn’t go over well with my beau – he said it was written for women. Maybe so, because I really liked it. Alison’s stories are smart and funny. Much of this collection involves power-play in a really light, effortless way that I can imagine many of my friends identifying with.

The other collection that stood out for me was downright kinky: Best Bondage Erotica was edited by (surprise!) Alison Tyler, and is comprised of stories spanning different sexual appetites. It’s not too intense – if you’re looking for stories about bloodsports, or even watersports, look elsewhere – but it covers a good range and… well, it definitely got me off.

By the way, if anyone has recommendations for me based on the above, I’d love to hear them!

Linkage: Sugasm #71 and More of Me!

2007-03-26T00:24:00.000-05:00

My Flexor Elephant review is up at EdenFantasys.com -- go take a look to find out about my hot Valentine's Day date!

Also, in illustration of the fact that I'm even worse at food-blogging than I am at cooking, go check out my guest post at my roomate's blog Veggie Love -- I made Greek food!

And now, the Sugasm:

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #72? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Roué (http://www.easilyaroused.co.uk)

“Her sighs of contentment build as my touch does its work.”

Wrong Number (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

“They said clients were trying to call me and getting this restaurant instead.”

Ride to the Cabin (http://eroticawriter.blogspot.com)

“As he pulled into a dark lane that led into a grove of trees, I reached over to stroke him.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Loveland (http://sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice

Your hair (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Erotic Writing and Experiences

3 is The Magic Number: Three Songs (http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com)

AMBER~~”Anything You Want” (Part Four) (http://buttocksblog.blogspot.com)

The Desperate Tango (http://femmefataleteen.blogspot.com)

The Dress II (http://wanklog.blogspot.com)

Entry Box…. (http://afterschoolmonologues.blogspot.com)

Midnight Thrusts (http://kinkyfarmwife.blogspot.com)

My Wet Dream (http://maude-tim.blogspot.com)

The Need (http://joeheather.blogspot.com)

Public Affections (http://www.sex-kitten.net)

Rug Burn (http://confessions112.blogspot.com)

Setting Your Panties on Fire (http://secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Startled Awakening (http://bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)

That night instead of round 2, I passed out (http://thatjuicyjuicy.blogspot.com)

Turning Tricks for Tapas, Dos (http://cakeandcock.blogspot.com)

Why Aren’t You Naked? (http://designingintimacy.blogspot.com)

Podcasts & Poetry

“Cocaine” Kimberly Was Her Working Name (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)

Episode #1-Sex with another woman (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)

Styx Orchestra-Inspired Poem, thanks to Public TV (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)

Sex Work

During (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)

BDSM & Fetish

Birthday Spankings! (http://sexualevolution.blogspot.com)

Distracted pixie (http://insidedarkpixie.blogspot.com)

Happy HNT - Sexy St. Patrick’s day (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)

His rope (http://www.kinkerbelle.com)

Marked (http://pick-up-pieces.blogspot.com)

Nature versus nurture, spanking-style (http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog)

Relationships and the lifestyle (http://alternativealbany.xlogz.com)

“So punish me” (http://blog.atlantabondage.com)

Solipsist’s travels in subspace (http://mistress160.blogspot.com)

Zapped (http://www.timidboy.com)

Sex News & Politics

The Flaming Genitals Archive (http://www.quirkysex.com/blog)

Morality in Media Loses Congressional Funding (http://fullfrontalpolitics.com)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Afro-desiacs and “Blow” Jobs (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)

Feeling Unsafe– Tease Me! (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)

Lights On or Lights Off? (http://sexeteria.net)

My Own Sex Confession (Part Two) (http://aslipofagirl.blogspot.com)

The SXSW date that wasn’t, and why (http://lustylady.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics (& videos)

Can’t blame a man for being a man (video) (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Half-Nekkid Thursday: G-String Season (http://www.taratainton.com)

Half-Nekkid Merkin (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)

Half-Nekkid Sex Blogger (http://www.tarasnaughtyshop.com)

Nora Marlo Peek-A-Boo Shots (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com)

Poll result: Shower sex (http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com)

Stairway To Heaven (video) (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

The Ultimate Green Sex Toy

2007-03-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

We were talking about living green and reducing carbon footprints in the apartment tonight when my beau tapped me on the knee:

"Your job," he said, "is to make environmentally friendly sex toys."

From across the room, Roomie chimed in: "Isn't that what cucumbers are for?"

And this is why I love my friends.

What is this strange thing you call blog posting?

2007-03-20T23:02:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time I thought that my life would no longer be dictated by the university schedule after I'd obtained my Bachelor's, but a year later... sorry for the dearth of posts, kids, but it's spring break and I've been too busy having sex to write about it!

Yesterday, March 20th, was Back Up Your Birth Control day. Emergency contraception is available without a prescription to women over 18 now, and should be available at your local pharmacy. If you're a woman having potentially reproductive sex it's a good idea to keep a dose on-hand -- that way this is less likely to happen to you.

If was 7am on July 5th, and I woke up still tipsy in the arms of the guy I'd been dating (Mr. Spring, that is) on my best friend's couch. He wanted to leave -- he was restless, and possibly embarassed by my antics (our antics, to be fair) from the night before. I crept into my friend's bedroom, found my pants, kissed her and her boyfriend on the forehead and told them to call later. We were literally 20 minutes into the hour drive back to our hometown before I realized I wasn't wearing my shoes --I'd left them behind in my friend's room.

Somehow, as we drove along, the subject of birth control came up. We hadn't used a condom the night before, and I wasn't on birth control, but since he hadn't ejaculated inside of me I wasn't that worried (though there's still plenty of reason to worry in that situation). Or at least, I wasn't until I realized he was.

"What do you mean you're not on birth control?" He asked. I shrugged. "Look," I said, "I know it's a risk, but it's a fairly small one and I'm comfortable with it."

"Small risk?" he said incredulously, "My dad got both of his wives pregnant the first time he had sex with them. I come from a fertile family. It's a pretty big risk." Normally too emotionally unavailable to lose his cool this much, he was in quite a tizzy over some pre-ejaculate fluid.

"Okay, look, it's not like you actually came, so we're probably--"

"Yes I did," he cut me off, shooting me a quizical look. "When?" I demanded, wondering how I could possibly have missed it.

I won't go into much more detail, but he explained when and I guess I must have had more to drink than I thought, because... well, I just had no idea. Anyway, we decided on EC. I called my clinic for a prescription, but they were closed. Panicking, I hung up and we headed to the ER attached to the clinic in hopes that someone there would write a prescription.

My honey pulled a u-turn as we passed his house on the way to the hospital. "What are you doing?" I asked. "My folks are away," he responded, "and there's no way I'm going into a hospital for emergency contraception with you barefoot. You're borrowing my step-mom's shoes."

I got my EC and I didn't get pregnant, thank goodness, nor did anyone get the opportunity to make "barefoot and pregnant" jokes (until now!). The moral of the story, though, is go get some EC! It's so much easier to have it on hand than to chase it all over town in borrowed sneakers.

Birthday Spankings!

2007-03-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

Today is Sexual Evolution’s first birthday! Unfortunately, you can’t really spank a blog. I’d offer to let you spank me instead, but I’m not sure my beau would approve.

I wasn’t always a spanking kind of girl. There was a time, long after I’d begun to explore my kinky side, when I found spanking fantasies laugh-out-loud funny. Erotica with spanking in it was an immediate turn off. When Virginia, who was older than me and had already gotten in touch with her spanko-self, asked me to spank her one night, I tried, and wavered the entire time between laughing (because it felt so ridiculous) and crying (because I was utterly mortified by the whole thing). Needless to say, it was not a satisfying experience for either of us.

But then I found myself in a relationship that was outright kinky.

I knew he liked to top, he knew I liked to bottom, and even our most vanilla sex usually had some element of power-play. When we had our initial series of “what would you flag?” conversations, we agreed that neither of us was turned on by spanking play and it wouldn’t be a part of our bedroom repertoire.

Then something changed. I got into the habit of making a certain kind of silly joke which happened to drive him crazy. He warned me one day that if I kept making those jokes he was going to have to spank me – so of course I had to test my limits. He grabbed me and spanked me and I squealed and we both laughed. It was funny, not sexy, and it became a game for me – I’d see if I could slip in a joke without him noticing. Inevitably, he’d notice. He spanked me in front of friends once, and I was horrified (although probably not as horrified as them. Then one night, as we were leaving my house for his apartment, I made the forbidden joke as we walked past the living room full of people. I said goodbye for the evening to my friends, thinking nothing of it, and as we stepped onto the porch and the door closed behind he pushed me up against the rough brick wall.

“No!” I whispered, “someone might see!”

“Guess you shouldn’t have made that joke then,” he said, and brought his hand down hard against my backside. I stifled my yelp and swallowed the safeword that had been on the tip of my tongue. This felt different. He meant business, and it completely changed the way I felt about the spanking. We stepped off the porch, my backside stinging. I hoped that no one had seen, but the whole walk to his apartment I struggled to get a grip on the intense and new experience of being so incredibly turned on by my own sense of shame. By the time we made it to his bedroom I was pretty much ready to tear his clothes off.

But I digress. Happy Birthday, blog-o-mine! Here’s to another year of smart sex.

Love,
Amanda

Babeland's Eco-Sexy Kit

2007-03-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

This is pretty awesome, and ties in nicely with the last post:

When you want something a bit racier to go with your organic strawberries, break out the Eco-Sexy Kit. This all-in-one kit includes the body-friendly Laya Spot vibrator and a selection of premium, all-natural spa products. The attractive Laya Spot is made of Elastomer, a new latex-free and phthalate-free material. The Babeland Massage Candle is made of skin-safe soy that transforms into warm, deliciously scented massage oil as it heats up. Emerita Natural Lube moisturizes while keeping things slick (and the company doesn't test on animals or use animal-derived ingredients). Top off your sexcapade with the Mamba Condoms, produced by a well-regarded Swedish non-profit whose testing process is 15 times more stringent than any other condom company in the world!

Can be purchased here, for what is actually a pretty good price.

TamPontification

2007-03-09T22:18:00.000-05:00

Seventh Generation, makers of environmentally friendly everything, have launched a new internet campaign to donate feminine care products to shelters across the country. In the spirit of The Hunger Site, all you have to do to make a donation is to visit this website and drag the little heart into the little house. Here's the schpeil from their Facebook group:

Women’s shelters in the U.S. go through thousands of tampons and pads monthly, and, while agencies generally assist with everyday necessities such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, this most basic need is often overlooked- women hygiene.

You can help contribute to rectify this situation by making a VIRTUAL donation below!
For each VIRTUAL donation, Seventh Generation will send a pack of organic cotton tampons or chlorine-free pads to a shelter in your state.

Bear in mind that you can list any state you want as the recipient, it doesn't have to be the state you live in. Women in Kentucky need pads too.

Want to know more about Seventh Generation's chlorine-free pads & tampons? Go here.

(small but significant) Victory for Sex Ed in MD

2007-03-09T21:39:00.000-05:00

In Maryland, Superintendent of Schools Nancy S. Grasmick has issued a decision to go ahead with the field testing of a new sex education curriculum -- one that discusses homosexuality in a fairly neutral light. Her decision came in response to demands from three organizations demanding a halt to the field tests. The new program is opt-in, i.e. parents have to sign a permission slip to allow their children to attend, but apparently that precaution isn't enough for some ~~bigots~~ people.

The field tests will lead to a Montgomery County school board decision on whether or not to go district-wide with the new curriculum in the fall.

Topic previously discussed here.

Quick, gag her, before she says too much!

2007-03-08T15:25:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, good: expose the Madam, freeze her assets and lock her up, but heaven forbid her high-profile Johns should be embarrassed!

(Feds Seek to Gag DC Madam, @ The Smoking Gun)

Medical Procedures Should Not Be Political Issues

2007-03-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

I’m feeling really angry today. I suppose “if you’re not angry then you’re just stupid or you don’t care,” right? But lord, my body is tired of being political. It wants to just be a body for once.

A friend recently brought to my attention a series of news stories about a clinic in Northern New Jersey that was closed by health officials last week, following a review of the facilities. The review found that Metropolitan Medical Associates’ Englewood clinic posed a risk of "immediate and serious risk of harm to patients,” with violations particularly concerning infection control and proper care of instruments and equipment. It was prompted by a report from Newark Beth Israel Hospital, who admitted a patient a month ago soon after she underwent a procedure. The patient, Dinkins suffered from a stroke and a collapsed lung, probably due to blood loss, and was in a coma for a month. She also had to undergo a hysterectomy.

The procedure that Dinkins underwent was an abortion, and the Englewood clinic is one of only a handful of clinics in the state which performs second-trimester abortions. Since the media began reporting about the temporary shutdown of the clinic, at least two more women have come forward to talk about complications they experienced at the clinic. It seems likely that the temporary closing of the clinic, as well as the requirement that they hire medial safety and administrative consultants, are well founded.

Meanwhile, anti-abortion activists have gathered outside the locked doors of the clinic to demand that it stay closed, and North Jersey’s papers are reporting on the subject with all of the sensationalism that is typical of an “abortion clinic” story, describing the reactions of protesters and including a photo of two white middle-aged men holding anti-abortion placards. Articles like these continue to allow abortion to be viewed as a political issue.

Abortion is a medical procedure. It is so safe that it’s generally considered safer than childbirth. IT SHOULD NOT BE A POLITICAL ISSUE. It shouldn’t be any more political than lasik eye surgery, or hysterectomies, or a heart bypass. Why should anyone’s medical history be political?

Most articles have referenced the 1993 closing of the clinic following the death of a 20 year old woman who had an abortion there, although only one was kind enough to mention that the death was determined to have been caused by predetermined factors; the clinic was cleared of all charges in that instance. The Englewood clinic has been a focus of anti-abortion protesting over the years, and was at the center of a couple of important trials regarding safe perimeters and the required legal distance of anti-abortion protesters from clinic entrances.

In a letter to the editor of one of North Jersey’s papers, one man writes: “Legalized abortion was justified on the grounds that it would end dirty illegal abortions. So now we have dirty legal abortions. And given the number performed every year, there may be more women maimed by them than was ever the case before Roe v. Wade.”

Let’s see… this clinic performs TEN THOUSAND abortions a year, many of them of the riskier second-trimester variety. I can’t seem to find statistics for abortion complication rates, but my guess is that there are bound to be a handful in any clinical setting, and to actually come out and SAY that the back-alley might have been a safer option is an insult to abortion providers. Can you imagine someone saying that men would be better off having vasectomies done by unlicensed providers in unclean facilities with unsterile instruments? Somehow I doubt that the women who obtained those (TEN THOUSAND) abortions would have preferred a back-alley provider to a clinic setting.

I don’t mean to diminish, at all, what happened to Dinkins. It’s an incredibly sad story, and I’m glad the state is doing something to clean up the Englewood clinic. But the politicized way in which the media is handling the case, and the political maelstrom of “abortion politics” in which this case exists, only makes abortion harder to provide and harder to obtain. This should have been a story about a clinic being temporarily shut down, not a political war over whether or not it should reopen.

Bastards.

2007-03-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

Today is International Women's Day. It's also Blog Against Sexism Day, but unfortunately I haven't had the time to plan a long, scathing post about the patriarchy (I've been too busy working my ass off trying to survive the patriarchy, which believes that the kind of work I want to do isn't worth as much since, y'know, only women are interested in health education).

I would like to draw your attention to the following three news stories, though:

A proposed resolution in the United States Congress would demand that the Japanese government publicly apologize to WWII's "comfort women," mostly Chinese and Korean women abducted or lured to serve as prostitutes to Japanese soldiers on the front lines. China has recently issued a similar resolution. Japan is resisting.

Two Sunni women were allegedly gang-raped by US trained Iraqi Security Forces last month. This comes on the heels of a guilty plea from a second US soldier in the rape and murder of a 14 year old Iraqi girl and her family. I'd just like to point out: These are just the women who have been able to come forward.

According to a recent study of female military veterans suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, 90% of the women studied had experienced sexual assault -- and 70% of that was from other US soldiers. Salon.com has much more on the subject.

Maybe the US government should get its head out of its ass and stop demanding apologies from other countries for things that happened 60 years ago when its own military is still having the same kinds of problems. Fucking self-righteous hypocritical bullshit.

My Kinky Wishlist

2007-03-08T02:38:00.000-05:00

I had really good intentions tonight. I was going to come home from work and finish the post I've been working on about this closed New Jersey abortion clinic, maybe even write another post that I've got in the works up here ::taps head::, but no. Instead, I started wondering about leather shops in DC. Then I started looking for the perfect paddle. Then I started lusting over the gear at Stormy Leather and BDSM Toybox. Then... well, you can guess how the rest of the story goes.

To make the evening not a total waste, my abbreviated wishlist of kink:

SL's Medium Chrome Plug (partially because it matches my kegelcisor)

SL's 24" Leather-Wrapped Spreader Bar

SL's Roller Drum. Can't you feel the tingling just looking at it?

The Genevieve Corset. I've worn this. It's amazing. I could have had it for like half that price, but no, I decided to buy groceries instead. That was silly.

These thigh cuffs from BDSM Toybox.

Pin Up Girl shoes, also from BDSM Toybox, although I really want them in a color to match that powder blue dress of mine...

mmph, okay, consumerist lust-fest over. The truth is, all I really need to be a happy bottom is for someone to be stern with me. And call me that dirty, dirty S word.

Spare Me The 69 Jokes

2007-03-08T00:20:00.000-05:00

Sugasm #69

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #70? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

The Adrenaline Moment (http://theprovocateur.wordpress.com)

“As soon as they stood, I was certain they spotted me – for they rose and both walked right up to the tall windows before them”

Bewitch Us Both! (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)

“She’s starting to breath shallow as your tongue makes its way along her outer lips, followed by one, two then three fingers.”

All Dressed Up And No-one To Fuck (http://joeheather.blogspot.com)

“The bra and thong stayed, though. I love to fuck my woman when she’s still partially clothed. “

Mr. Sugasm Himself

The Ron Jeremy Economy (http://www.sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice

Kiss Me (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Erotic Writing and Experiences

The birthday gift… (http://clearslate2007.wordpress.com)

Cum for Me (http://bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)

His point of view, continued: Kismet (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

My Number One (http://confessions112.blogspot.com)

Swing Club, Part 2 (http://maude-tim.blogspot.com)

Wetheat (http://secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Whisper (http://gentlygently.blogspot.com)

You’ll have to ask my friend (http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com)

BDSM & Fetish

The art of you and me…. (http://ellesnovellas.blogspot.com)

Butt it’s Fun (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)

Happy HNT - slave on a leash (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)

Meet Amber….”The Middle of the Story” (http://buttocksblog.blogspot.com)

Ouch Overheard (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

Spanking on a Dark Country Road (http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog)

Sex Work

Bubblegum/Peppermint (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)

Sex and Politics

Sins of The Mother (http://aslipofagirl.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics (& videos)

Close Up Pink (video) (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Preheating the kitchen (http://kitchen-girls.blogspot.com)

Retro Lesbian Group Sex (http://retrosexblog.com)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

A Few More of My Own Sexual Oddities (http://www.taratainton.com)

Is Independence Overrated? (http://www.ricksguide.com)

Pussy Shaving Questions (http://www.model-chat.com)

Slut (http://sexualevolution.blogspot.com)

Wannabe nurse fetish (http://lustylady.blogspot.com)

Where and How Does Inspiration Strike? (http://inkserotica.blogspot.com)

Sex Reviews & Interviews

Another Interview (http://www.swelteringcelt.com/blog)

Sugasm Review (http://adultblogmarketing.blogspot.com)

VIP (Very Intimate Pleasures) Store-CT (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)

Slut

2007-03-02T16:20:00.000-05:00

I’m not really a slut in the classic sense. I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners, sure, but they’ve all been people I’ve known for some length of time and given some thought to. Even my one and only one night stand was with someone I’d known casually for years. Despite the fact that there are people in my life who have more or less called me a slut, and the fact that my mother still worries about my reputation, I’m not what most people would consider a slut.

But there’s a word – a bedroom word – that makes me weak in the knees. Rachel Kramer Bussel thinks everyone has one, and she may be right, but I know for certain that I have one.

It’s slut.

I get a little shivery just typing it, actually. I had fantasies about that word for a year or so before someone finally unleashed it on me. It was one of my most secret fantasies, because (as a 14 year old feminist) my rational brain thought it was horribly degrading. How could I be so turned on by something so against my politics? But one afternoon, after we’d been having sex for about a year and a half, my high school boyfriend pinned my arms above my head and whispered “You’re such a little slut” into my ear.

I went absolutely wild. I locked my eyes with his for a second, and then I was finally able to act out the fantasy I’d been having in my head for years. It’s not a very complex fantasy: the person I’m with calls me a slut, and I say I’m sorry for being such a slut, and then he (or she) has his (or her) way with me (this is one of my few equal-opportunity fantasies). Of course, he brought out the s-word because he’d seen it in porn and read it in erotica, but it didn’t matter to me where it came from. All that mattered was that my dirty little secret was out in the open.

For the rest of the time we dated, he expanded on the “slut” theme. Words like “cockslut” and “cumslut” became part of our bedroom vocabulary. I’ve said a lot of mean things about this particular ex and his sexual prowess in the past several years, but I’ve got to hand it to him: he knew how to talk dirty.

Why Slut? My theory is that it allows me to let my sexually ravenous side out. After all, if the person I’m with knows my dirty little secret – that deep inside of this innocent looking blonde girl is a debauched, wanton harlot just waiting to make her appearance – well then, why hide it?

Years later, I was up against the wall of my dorm room, pants around my ankles, being done with such force that I thought my knees would buckle. Call me slut, I pleaded in my head, tell me I’m your dirty little slut. I wasn’t quite ready to give voice to that taboo desire in the context of my new-ish relationship, though, and apparently my telepathic skills were a little out of practice that evening.

When it was over, we collapsed onto my bed and I curled up against his chest. After a few minutes of conversation about the power-structure of our sexual relationship, he tentatively asked if there was anything I was particularly opposed to. Was he asking what I hoped he was asking? I began a faltering answer, unsure if he really meant what I thought he did, but he cut me off.

“Any words, I mean,” he clarified.

He was asking! I told him in a rush that I wasn’t easily offended and in fact I love being called slut, and he let out a long breath and told me that was the exact word he’d wanted to use, but he hadn’t wanted to offend me. Apparently my slut nature is more obvious to the people I sleep with than I realized! We spent the rest of the evening proving to each other that the label was an appropriate one.

So there, now you all know my dirty little secret. Just for the record, it doesn’t work unless I’m already attracted to you – if someone walked up to me on the street and called me a slut, I’d punch him in the balls and be done with it. But in bed… mmmph. Hearing that word makes any sex better.

For My Favorite Tobacconist

2007-03-01T14:03:00.000-05:00

Ce n'est pas un vagin (parce que c'est un vulva).

Artist Billy Pacak works in wood because "it feels alive" when he carves it -- judging by the skill with which these vulva pipes are carved, I'd say that isn't the only live thing he's working! The pipe itself is designed to look like labia minora (that's the inner pussy lips, for those of you who know your porn better than your anatomy), clitoris, and vagina, and is removable from the rest of the vulva. Very pretty. I wonder what it feels like to have your vulva immortalized in wood? The pipes are not actually meant for use, but I bet there are plenty of pipe collectors who would love to add one of these to their collections! (via Fleshbot)

Linkage: HIV, HPV, Don't Ask Don't Tell and More

2007-03-01T11:34:00.000-05:00

Good Vibrations is going phthalate free! The company has decided to stop producing toys with potentially toxic plastic softeners. Adam and Eve made the same decision a month or so ago. California Exotics has produced a list of all their phthalate-free products, and Doc Johnson (although stubbornly asserting that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of phthalate now and then) has begun labeling their safe toys as phthalate-free. Bravo to the sex toy industry for stepping up on this one. Sex toys in Europe are regulated by the government, but I'd much rather have the industry police itself. Can you imagine if the FDA was given any power over sex toys? We'd soon be resorting to vegetables (which must be what folks in Alabama do, right?).

From RH Reality Check, the HIV epidemic hits home:

Imagine that you live in a country where HIV infection rates are on the rise. In your nation's capital, one out of every 20 people is HIV positive. In some socially marginalized communities, nearly half of people are HIV positive.

In this place, about half of all people who need to be taking HIV medication to stay healthy are unable to access medication on an ongoing basis, and some have died while on waiting lists for drugs. Hundreds of thousands of HIV positive people pass through prisons and jails each year, and no effort is made to coordinate education, prevention or social services for them.

Meanwhile, the New York Times reports on two new HIV drugs. One of the drugs is the first to work on the body's cells rather than the virus itself -- it blocks the point at which the virus gains access to the cell. Not surprisingly, there are debates going on about the long-term effects of the drug -- similar drugs that have undergone testing previously have led to increased blood cancer rates and liver toxicity. Tests for Merck's new drug haven't demonstrated any of those effects yet, though, so this drug seems to have a lot of potential.

Also from the New York Times, a study tracking the prevalence of HPV in women found that about 25% of women are infected with some strain of the virus -- and among women ages 20-24, the number rises to almost 45%. Do I even need to say it? If you're eligible, go get vaccinated.

Again from RH Reality Check, Marylin Keefe discusses aspects of the HPV vaccine issue that are getting overlooked in all the arguments about parents' rights and promiscuity -- for example, the fact that none of that matters if no one can afford it:

There are nearly 17 million uninsured women in the United States, a number that grows daily. Many women—especially in the 19-26 year old aged group, don't have any type of insurance—public or private. At $360 for the vaccine, it is certain to be out of reach, even if they can even find a health care provider who offers it.

Massachusetts Rep. Marty Meehan introduced legislation that would reverse the military's discriminatory "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. One hundred six Democrats and three Republicans co-sponsored the bill, with the general rallying cry that discriminating against LGB folks is bad for the country's defense. I suppose that's a good way to get the bill passed, but "Yeah! Let gay people into the military so we can send them off to fight in unjustified wars!" is something I have trouble getting behind.

And let's finish things off right: I don't watch America' Next Top Model, but judging from this photo, maybe I should start... just for the record, I think the photos of Jael that have turned up are very tasteful. And hot. Photo below the fold!

Sugasm #68

2007-02-28T00:25:00.000-05:00

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #69? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

First Client (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)

“He buries his nose in my pussy, licks me while I suck him, rubs his mouth up and down me.”

His point of view (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

“Once he shut the door — urgently, impatiently, with a deft kick of his heel and a satisfying thud as the lock caught, all vestiges of decorum disappeared.”

Why is my sex ed class so sticky? (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)

“This game was played for NINE years, and it’s only this year that parents are writing the school board?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Thumbnail Gallery Problems… (http://www.sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice

More on submissives with lists (http://principalquattrano.com/blog)

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Great Moments in Sex Education (http://sexualevolution.blogspot.com)

Half-Nekkid Nightie (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)

Hot Studs Have Feelings Too. (http://onlyamirage.blogspot.com)

I Am Greatful! (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)

If I Die… (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)

Let Me Out of Here! (http://inkserotica.blogspot.com)

Pull my hair (http://lustylady.blogspot.com)

The thing about size…. (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics (& videos)

“26 Reasons for The Birth of This Blog” (http://buttocksblog.blogspot.com)

Belated VDay Gift from Tila Tequila (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Crystal Klein nude photos (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com)

Happy HNT - Masturbation erotica (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)

I wish it was summer (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Jamaica in the Kitchen (http://kitchen-girls.blogspot.com)

Sex Work

Session To Do List (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

Sex News, Reviews and Interviews

Baby Bug Vibrator Review (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)

It keeps going and going and…dying (http://nocloudnine.blogspot.com)

Kiri or Jules? (http://www.connectbycam.com/blog)

Taco Tuesday: Toy Review 3 “Adonis” (http://themilfblog.blogspot.com)

Sex and Politics

Anti-Anti Pornography, Part V: How Hypocrite Can You Get? (http://www.teen-porn-site.com/blog)

BDSM & Fetish

Atlanta Flight (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)

Contrast revisited (http://pick-up-pieces.blogspot.com)

Dirty laundry (http://kinkerbelle.atlantabondage.com)

From memory (http://sexcakes.blogspot.com)

Knowing looks (http://pandorablake.blogspot.com)

Meeboguest G confesses: “I’ve been watching my wife get fucked” (http://anawtymouz.blogspot.com)

Quest for fire… (http://blog.atlantabondage.com)

What to do in a tight situation (http://sadiedark69.blogspot.com)

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Belated NYE Party @ T’s part 2 (http://slutissimo2.wordpress.com)

Do you want to share a cab (http://gentlygently.blogspot.com)

Giving and Receiving (http://sarawinters.blogspot.com)

Grinding it (http://plum001.blogspot.com)

Indulging in a Virtual Tryst Part VII (http://www.taratainton.com)

Lips…. (http://ellesnovellas.blogspot.com)

My girlfriend the stripper, part 5 (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)

My idea of a love letter to SMW (http://marriageishot.blogspot.com)

Swingers Night!! (http://mandyseroticlife.blogspot.com)

What's a Flower?

2007-02-27T19:38:00.000-05:00

Dear February,

Thank you for being an unusually short month, because I'm pretty sure I couldn't take much more of you.

Love,
Amanda

Quickie: on Gaydar and Likin' the Ladies

2007-02-26T20:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting in a coffee shop writing cover letters and distracting myself with the internets, and the subject of my queerness came up in virtual-conversation with a straight male friend who's not so much with the gaydar. Referring to the cute law student studying next to me, I said "I'm pretty sure she's straight. Either that or she's like me and doesn't "vibe" the right way."

"What do you mean, you don't vibe the right way?" my friend asked. "Even I could tell that you were queer."

"Really?" I asked incredulously. "You mean it?" Most people think I'm straight unless I specifically mention ladyfriends. I've considered getting a rainbow (or perhaps a blue star) tattooed somewhere obvious (like, oh, my forehead) to help people figure me out.

"Yeah," he responded, "you look at girls. It's kind of hard to miss."

"I mean, you don't blip as bigdyke," he added as an afterthought, "but you do blip as likin'theladies."

The Deep Desired, Long Awaited Spring

2007-02-25T01:30:00.000-05:00

Hello and welcome to my inaugural usage of peek-a-boo expandable posts, brought to you by Hackosphere! I've decided to put some of the more NSFW posts, as well as the personal stuff which people who actually know me don't necessarily want to read, "below the fold". Just click the link below to expand the post and read on!

Ah, springtime. It’s my favorite season, even though it only lasts about three days where I’m from. There’s the smell of regrowth in the air, and people actually look at each other instead of the ground when passing on the street. You might think it’s a little early to start talking about spring – after all, it’s still February – but I know it’s nearly spring when I dream about a certain ex, and last night I did.

I’m not sure why he’s so closely associated with spring in my mind. I’ve analyzed it to death – it’s because my attraction to him is chemical, and spring triggers my desire to “mate”; it’s because spring is about new growth, and he was always pushing my boundaries; it’s because that’s when a certain storyline developed on a certain show (I was always a P/J-er, not a D/J-er), and that storyline reminded me of us. But today I realized that it may simply be because my very first moment of attraction to him happened on a beautiful early June day, almost 8 years ago. We were between final exams, sitting with classmates on the back hill outside our high school. I don’t know what he said or did, but I remember thinking how strange it was to find myself so attracted to someone so quickly.

It was something like four years (or five? Maybe five.) before we actually finally dated, and in the years that intervened I found my mind (and yeah, my hormones) drifting back to him each spring. It would begin with a sex dream, and then, completely regardless of the state of my love life at the time, I would find myself preoccupied with thoughts of him, talking to him more often, and wondering to myself if he was always going to be the one that got away.

He wasn’t, as it turned out. Eventually we dated. It was nice, although the timing was bad. I was crazy, and he was emotionally unavailable, and I was left feeling unsatisfied and sad, but ready to move on. Still, in the years since then, the beginning of every spring has been marked by dreams of him.

Last night’s dream was different, though, because for the first time it wasn’t sexual. We were at a dinner party, and he was there with his current significant other. She was charming and he was himself, wrong about politics and planning to take over the world. At the end of the evening we hugged and said goodbye. I woke up happier than I have all week, and very much excited that spring is almost here.

10 points, by the way, to anyone who understands the reference in the post title. Another 10 to anyone who knows the connection between myself and the reference!

More on the Wilson Case

2007-02-21T18:02:00.000-05:00

Sick of it yet? I know I am. But somehow as long as people are making Wilson out to be a victim I can't seem to let it go. Anyway, I came across this transcript of a segment from (you might want to sit down) The O'Reilly Factor from February 19th:

[Speaking to attorney B.J. Bernstein & attorney Sunny Hostin]
"We're going to show you a very disturbing piece of tape. It concerns a convicted sexual offender having sex with a 17-year old woman. She says it was rape, but a jury didn't convict Genarlow Wilson of that crime. Instead, the jury convicted him of another crime, the sexual abuse of a 15-year old girl. Wilson got ten years in a Georgia prison for that, and many in the liberal press objected to the sentence. Editorials in the New York Times, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and other papers condemned the prison term, implying Wilson was the victim. A report on CNN called him 'a good son, a good athlete, a high school student with a 3.2 GPA.' Wilson is an object of sympathy in some quarters, but should he be? The 17-year old girl says she believed she was drugged, and by most accounts she seemed to be intoxicated. The reason we're reporting this story is sometimes the media glorifies people who don't deserve to be glorified. Mr. Wilson and his supporters want you to believe he's a victim; the girl wants you to believe she's a victim. Talking Points believes that once again the media has not reported the full story."

For more on the case, The Factor was joined by former prosecutor Sunny Hostin, who saw the tape showing Genarlow Wilson with the 17-year old. "It was vulgar and reprehensible," Hostin declared. "This woman was knocked out, there was no way she could have consented. She was dragged into a bathroom." But Wilson's lawyer B.J. Bernstein stressed that her client was acquitted of raping the woman. "The jurors spoke out that he was not guilty of rape, and the only thing they convicted him of was consensually receiving oral sex from a 15-year old. I don't say that Genarlow Wilson didn't do anything wrong. Was it right? No. Was it rape? No!" The Factor argued that Wilson is where he belongs, behind bars. "From what we can see on this tape, it doesn't look like this woman wanted it to happen. The media jumped out and said Wilson should be set free, but the tape shows that maybe this guy got what he deserved."

I can't emphasize enough how rare it is for me to agree with this man, or to reference Fox News as a credible source, but this time I'm glad to see someone in mainstream media pointing out that maybe Wilson isn't the victim/hero he's been made out to be.

Linkage: Bad Vibes, Sex Ed, Veggie Love and More

2007-02-21T12:44:00.000-05:00

Tristan Taormino's Pucker Up column has tackled the subject of phthalates in Dangerous Dildos (Part 1, Part 2). I like that she makes the distinction between "adult novelty" manufacturers and those who proudly craft and sell sexual aides:

When you look at the phthalate issue in a larger context, what you see is the current split within the sex toy industry between old-school adult novelty makers and new age sex-positive toy companies. The former are stuck in a model of "get it as cheap as you can from China, make it look like a penis (that's what women want, right?), and spend as little as you can on packaging." Toys from these companies scream, "Who cares if this looks good or actually works? No one's going to return it or complain, they'll be too embarrassed. Besides, it's just a dildo," reinforcing people's low expectations and shame.

In the article she mentions the Coalition Against Toxic Toys (badvibes.org). Their shopping guide gives fabulous advice for how to spot potentially hazardous toys -- take it with you on your next trip to the toy store!

At Mother Talkers, a group blog of "Rants and Raves on Modern Motherhood", Amy has written about her nephew's experience with public school sex education. Recounting a conversation between mother and son:

"What have you learned?" my sister asked.
"I learned about AIDS. That if you have unprotected sex, you get AIDS and die. But Mom, I don't even know what unprotected sex is. What is protected sex?"

Meanwhile, Oakland teens got so sick of cheesy sex-ed videos that they made their own:

The 15-minute movie was written, acted, filmed and edited almost entirely by students from East Oakland's Fremont Federation, a campus with four small high schools. With a hip-hop soundtrack and multidimensional characters — such as a peer educator who makes some poor decisions at a party — it was clearly made with its audience in mind.

The Condom Project has received support from the school district and had its premiere on Valentine's Day.

A Guardian piece discusses why rape charges so seldom lead to rape convictions in great detail, including the way stereotypes about women, previous sexual activity, and alcohol consumption on the part of the victim all contribute to the dismissal of the vast majority of rape cases. The whole thing goes right back to the Wilson case: why is the media championing this young man who was captured on film having sex with a semi-conscious woman? I'd really like to see some REAL journalism on the subject -- what evidence led to his acquittal on the rape charge? Did the alleged-victim recant, or was it simply a case of his word against hers? The whole thing makes me feel sick to my stomach.

HIV vaccine testing made the AP newswire this week. The article discusses how the test is being done on sex workers in the Dominican Republic. Since Phase 2 of the vaccine trial requires that it be tested on high as well as low risk groups, sex workers and injection drug users are obvious subjects. The tests are also being conducted in Haiti, the United States, Australia, Brazil, Canada, Jamaica and Peru. Merck, the company running the tests, is walking a thin public relations tightrope: If the trials are successful with no extreme adverse effects, they'll be heaped with praise. If something goes wrong, though, the papers (and eventually the history books) will be filled with scorn for the exploitative nature of the testing. HIV vaccine testing is a double-edged sword, but the impression that I get is that researchers are being as scrupulous as they can be in this inherently exploitative situation. Probably more to come on this soon.

The inaugural post is up on Veggie Love, the brand-new blog of my ever beautiful and brilliant roommate! Go check it out, and be jealous -- she cooks for me. Yeah, it's awesome.

Great Moments in Sex Education

2007-02-20T19:15:00.000-05:00

I’m a sex educator, but that hasn’t always meant that I’m as careful as I should be. Just like pretty much every other young person I know, my high school self was convinced that she was invincible. As the following story demonstrates, though, by the time I was a sophomore in college the sex-ed message had taken hold.

“Your tits look amazing in that dress,” Virginia said breathlessly, leaning in to me. It sounded so vulgar; coming out of her mouth, that only made it hotter. She had shown up to the party in a black silk slip with a black ribbon around her neck, next to which her skin was that perfect shade of creamy white you always hear described in smutty stories. Her flask was tucked into the lace at the top of her thigh-high stockings. She looked amazing, and she was paying attention to me. My cheeks felt hot. “Your tits look amazing.” How was I supposed to respond to that? “Thanks! Want to go upstairs and do it?” No, no. I didn’t want to scare her away. Everyone said Virginia scared easily when it came to relationships.

I waited until she turned back to the entertainment – drunken college a Capella – before resting my hand on the base of her neck. I traced a pattern there with my fingernail. She shivered. I stopped, just in case I was annoying her, but she pulled my hand back to her neck without even looking at me.

By the time the party moved upstairs to my bedroom I was drunk and desperate to get her out of that little black slip. On my bed, in front of a room full of people, she was taking off my borrowed stilettos and kissing and biting her way up my leg. The rest of the room was oblivious until Virginia reached the back of my knee – and sucked on it. Hard. Let me tell you, if you’ve never had the back of your knee sucked on, you’re missing out. I gasped and cried out, and the entire room turned to look – and then left. Quickly.

I flipped Virginia onto her back, kissed her mouth – hard – and her neck, pulled the straps of her slip down over her shoulders and touched and kissed as much of that creamy white skin of hers as I could manage. She was breathing hard. I was in heaven. I couldn’t believe my luck in having this beautiful, brilliant creature underneath me. I kissed her thighs, slid my hand over her underwear, moved my mouth higher and started to pull the damp material away from her body. My heart was pounding. I’d been looking forward to this moment for months, ever since she’d pushed me up against a door and left me with a hickey that no amount of makeup would cover.

“Wait,” she said, reaching a hand down to stop me. “I have my period.”

I think I laughed. Of course she had her period. “Me too,” I said, letting out a deep breath. I felt like someone had popped my balloon. There’s always a risk of STI transmission during oral sex on a woman, but when there’s blood present that risk is much higher. And did I have any dental dams? Or even a non-lubricated condom for turning into a dental dam? Oh no, that would just have been too convenient. But I was well past feeling invincible at this point – an STI scare or two had ended my days of unnecessary risk, and apparently this thing with Virginia wasn’t supposed to happen after all.

In the long run, it’s okay with me that she and I didn’t end up having the kind of sex I’d imagined that night. It wasn’t okay with me at the time, of course, but I know I made the right decision, because finally – in college – I had gotten the kind of sex education that I should have gotten years before.

Scarleteen, a website devoted to promoting sexual health among young people, provides the exact kind of sex education that young people should be getting. The fact that it’s run independently means that it isn’t subject to the kinds of restrictions that many other youth sex ed sites are (although still subject federal “decency” regulations), but it also means that the entire site is completely donor-funded. So, if science-based, realistic, respectful and intelligent sex education is important to you, please consider making a donation!

Violet Blue is my Hero of the Day

2007-02-16T12:58:00.000-05:00

I mentioned here a month or so ago that Kink.com had bought an old armory building in the Mission district of San Francisco to use as a studio. Since then there have been some protests from neighbors (although not very large-scale protests, from what I can tell). In an SFGate column this week, Violet Blue exposes the ways in which the supposedly unbiased news media are... well, dumping all over porn. As Violet would say, snip:

Steve Rubenstein and Jesse McKinley are reporters, and so we require that they report and not serve us with opinion, instead. In both articles, slanted phrases such as "dirty movies" were slipped in like a hostess silently sliding a coaster under your drink -- blink and you don't even notice it's part of the judgmental scenery -- when a more accurate term like "adult" could serve better. Rubenstein's piece went the distance, making Kink's employees into "manacled performers."

Since the column went up, SFGate has dug the hole even deeper. From Tiny Nibbles, Violet Blue's blog:

It's very, very controversial, and the SFGate is right now, at this very moment, fucking with me on it again. Instead of the front page title and subhead my editor and I requested they use with the column, they are using one that runs against the very principles of the entire article. They are illustrating my whole point. Read my piece and you'll see why calling it an article about "dirty movies" is biased and unacceptable[...]

They've since changed the to something more appropriate. Go read the column!

Municipal Condoms Come to Town

2007-02-16T11:09:00.000-05:00

NYC debuted its new line of municipal condoms on Wednesday of this week, just in time for that most romantic of holidays – National Condom Day! The Lifestyles brand condoms have been wrapped in packaging reminiscent of the subway system’s colors and lettering, and the tagline reads “We’ve got you covered” (wink, wink). City employees and volunteers handed out more that 150,000 of the free condoms in a massive launch campaign that was intended to get condoms into hands and conversations started.

Meanwhile, our nation’s capital was a day late and a dollar short. DC’s own municipal condom campaign was due to launch on Wednesday as well, but “internal complications” and that pesky snowstorm delayed the launch until today. DC’s condoms are wrapped in yellow and purple and the slogan is “Coming Together to Stop HIV.” Unfortunately, according to the Washington Post, the pun was not intended (come on, even if it wasn’t couldn’t they have just let people think it was? So much cooler that way). Although the Post seems critical of DC’s campaign as it compares to NYC’s, I’m really impressed with DC for stepping it up even this much. In a town where sex is almost always scandal and even the proprietress of the best local erotic boutique is afraid to reveal her name, a massive free-condom campaign is remarkably sex-positive.

As for the trend of municipal condoms, I hope it catches on. Clearly the current federal administration isn’t going to help, so for now it’s up to local communities to rally around HIV prevention and municipal condoms is a great, practical way to do that, as long as those condoms are accompanied by easy access to information. I hope more cities follow in the footsteps of DC and New York.

Can’t you just see Northampton with its own line of dental dams? And condoms, of course. With little rainbow Massachusettses on the packaging! Think Mayor Mary Clare Higgins would go for it?

Your Chance to Support Comprehensive Sex Ed!

2007-02-15T14:02:00.000-05:00

On Friday, Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA) will introduct an Act that would create the first federally funded comprehensive sexuality education. The Responsible Education About Life (or REAL) Act would fund science-based, medically accurate, age appropriate health education in public schools. Consdering the fact that $1.4 Billion has been wasted on Abstinence-Only programs with no proven track record, I think it's about damn time for a change. Don't you?

Advocates for Youth has made it incredibly easy for all of us busy young people to support the act. Just follow the link to urge your Representative to co-sponsor the bill. It takes two minutes -- which, if you're like me, is time you'd probably otherwise spend stalking people's away messages or facebook profiles. This is really historic legislation, don't miss your chance to get in on the action!

PS: Sexual Evolution has its own Myspace page now. Be my friend?

Hot Date

2007-02-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

Oh, Valentine's Day.

I know it's cheesy. I know I'm the type of person who's supposed to condemn it as just another consumerist bonanza, a way for corporations to force people who can't afford it to buy stuff their loved ones don't need. And yeah, I do agree with that, but that doesn't mean I don't celebrate. In fact, there's a celebration package filled with homemade and inexpensively purchased gifts of love on its way to my beau right now. As far as I'm concerned, it's all about having an excuse to take the time out of our busy lives and do something fun and thoughtful for our significant others.

Of course, since said beau is so far away, I will not be seeing him this evening. Instead, he's on a date with a friend of ours (who better not be getting handsy!), and I'm on a date with my new buddy Flex. I'll be reviewing him for EdenFantasys.com, and let me tell you -- I am very much looking forward to our date! You can find out how it went when the review goes up.

Sex News: the “Are You Kidding Me?” Edition

2007-02-13T13:40:00.000-05:00

A pair of young people in Tallahassee, Fla. has been convicted of producing child pornography... of themselves. That's right. The two young people, both minors, used a digital camera to take naughty photos of themselves fooling around. She sent them to his email address. Neither teen showed the photos to anyone else, but somehow they were brought to the attention of local police who arrested the pair and charged them with production of child pornography; he was also charged with possession of child pornography. According to CNet’s “Police Blotter” column, the young woman was found guilty and her first appeal was overturned 2:1; the majority opinion was that “Appellant was simply too young to make an intelligent decision about engaging in sexual conduct and memorializing it. Mere production of these videos or pictures may also result in psychological trauma to the teenagers involved.” Judge Wolf, who wrote the majority opinion, also insinuated that one of the parties involved (y’know, the teenagers whose naughty bits were caught on film) might have eventually sold the photos for profit.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the point of child pornography law to protect against the sexual exploitation of children? Instead, this young couple – both of whom were legally able to consent to sexual relations – are being punished for a “mistake” that adults make every day. Good job, Florida. Way to catch the bad guys.

Meanwhile, the $6,000 raised by a coalition of exotic dancers apparently isn’t good enough for the Breast Cancer Society of Canada. The women have been raising money for breast cancer research and awareness ever since another dancer – a friend of theirs – was killed by the disease. That particular charity had accepted money from the women before, but apparently certain major donors objected to the charity’s connection with strippers. Breast cancer doesn’t discriminate, but apparently the Breast Cancer Society of Canada does. Honestly, they should be ashamed. (via Fleshbot)

In Florida, a complaint from a driver led a theater to change its marquee from “The Vagina Monologues” to …wait for it… “The Hooha Monologues”. Yes, that’s right, apparently “vagina” is a dirtier word than “hooha.” The complaint came from a woman who was apparently concerned that her niece saw the title (because lord knows little girls shouldn’t know about vaginas!). The group of law students producing the show informed the management of the theater that their contract to perform Eve Ensler’s project stipulates that the show cannot be censored in any way, and the sign was returned to its former glory. (via Feministing)

And finally: KY brand lubricants have come out with a new product called Intrigue. Intrigue is, according to the website, super-slippery, not water-soluble, condom-safe, long-lasting, and might stain sheets. Sounds like silicone, right? And it is: the two ingredients are Dimethicone and Dimethiconol. But the words “silicone based” don’t appear anywhere on the Intrigue website. Instead, in a bit of sexual aide double-speak, KY says the product is made with new Liquimer ™ technology. They actually invented a word for it. So instead of actually knowing what they’re putting on (and in) their bodies, consumers are tricked into thinking that KY has come up with something NEW! And AMAZING! By the way, silicone lube, by any other name, is still not silicone-toy safe.

An Open Letter

2007-02-06T13:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Massachusetts,

I know how much you hate to hear this, but I’m very disappointed in you. Texas has mandated the HPV vaccine as a part of girl’s routine vaccinations, and now Virginia has passed legislation to that end as well. Michigan tried it, and even South Dakota passed legislation to provide the vaccine to girls at no cost.

Meanwhile, tried-and-true blue state that you are, you have yet to even introduce legislation on the vaccine! How could you let Texas beat you to the punch? I realize that a big part of the reason Gov. Perry acted so quickly with his executive order was to prevent the political wrangling that would have gone on had the measure gone to the legislature, and that you don’t anticipate having that kind of problem, but you know what I think is really going on here? You’ve gotten complacent. What with your newly instated Democratic governor and your traditionally liberal politics, you don’t feel like you have to rush into this whole HPV thing. You know it’ll happen eventually, so you’re taking your sweet time about it.

The thing is, MA, no matter how badly you’ve treated some of my friends in recent years (y’know, the MCAS debacle, the abstinence-only sex education, the absolute dearth of funding for the university), I still love you. I still want you to be the best little state you can be. You have so much potential! You could be a leader in liberal politics. Remember how exciting it was to legalize same-sex marriage? In those first weeks you felt like an innovator and a guide for the rest of the nation. We’re all still waiting for them to remember that separate is not equal, but when they come around you will have been there in the beginning (and, unlike New Mexico, you will have seen it through). You could have been right there on the HPV vaccine, too, but you dropped the ball.

But just because you got a little bit behind doesn’t mean you can’t catch up. It’s very simple, really, just a few easy legislative steps:
• Mandate that the vaccine be given to school age girls along with other required vaccinations.
• Require the Department of Health to create an awareness campaign and create literature about HPV to send to parents. Encourage young women who are too old to be affected by the mandate to receive the vaccine anyway.
• Fund the vaccine! This is a crucial point. We pay plenty of taxes. Make them useful please. Consider mandating insurance and state health plan coverage.

See! Piece of cake. And MA, this is the health of your young people we’re talking about here -- so let’s get on it, okay?

Love,
Amanda

Links:
Write to Deval Patrick, Governor
Write to your MA State Senator
Write to your MA State Representative
Lists of HPV Vaccine Measures by state

what is wrong with people?

2007-02-06T12:20:00.000-05:00

This is so sad: Brandy Britton, the former University of Maryland professor accused of working as a call girl, committed suicide this weekend. Her trial date was coming up. I'm a little too stunned by the whole thing to be coherently angry about it, but to sum up: even if Britton was doing sex work, who was she hurting? What purpose was there to wasting tax dollars to ruin her life? Who would benefit from her being in jail? Who will benefit from her death? Not a damn soul. (NYTimes)

In other anger-provoking news: Did you see the Snickers superbowl commercial? In it, two men working on a car share an accidental kiss, are horrified, and "do something manly" (rip out hunks of chest hair) in order to counteract the kiss. That's homophobic enough, but Snickers featured different endings to the commercial on their website, including one in which the two men beat each other up. The Human Rights Campaign is not pleased:

“The makers of Snickers and its parent company at Mars should know better. If they have any questions about why the ad isn’t funny, we can help put them in touch with any number of GLBT Americans who have suffered hate crimes.”

The Snickers micro-site, which also featured footage of Bears and Colts team members watching the commercial and reacting to the kiss, has been taken down, but whether that's because the parent comapny got a grip or because the Superbowl was two days ago is unclear. There's no mention of it on the Mars website. In any case, I'm pretty sure someone in the advertising industry is going to get at least a talking-to over this.

Certain low-dose birth control pills, namely those containing a synthetic progestin called desogestrel, can double a woman's risk of potentially fatal blood clots. Public Citizen, an advocacy group, is urging the FDA to stop the sale of those newer pills. They've created an information-packed website that includes a list of pills that contain the problem hormone: Not My Pill. Check it out, and if you're on one of those pills talk to your doctor. Your risk of developing a blood clot because of your birth control is actually extremely low, but really, why double it when there are other options?

Finally, some levity: a ballot measure has been introduced in Washington (the state) that would require heterosexual couples to have a child within three years of their marriage, or it would be annulled. The measure is clearly a farce, but it's sure to start some discussion, and I bet same-sex marriage proponents all over the country are having a bit of a laugh over it.

Slumming It: Family and the Pink Ghetto

2007-02-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

I’ve been reading, and loving, Sexerati’s series on The Pink Ghetto. Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira have expressed remarkably well the ways in which work around sex is made illegitimate and treated, often even by those doing the work, as a phase (for example, we use pseudonyms and keep two resumes in case we ever want to go “legit”). The series is already creating some dialogue in the sex positive community, and although in a lot of ways it’s depressing to think about, it’s an important conversation to have. Because I, for one, am pissed about the Pink Ghetto. I’m proud of the work I’ve done, and I want my bragging rights.

The thing about sex is that you’re not supposed to talk about it. I don’t know when I figured that out, exactly, but by the time I was sex educating in college I knew that my extracurricular activities were off limits for the family Christmas party. As sexuality education (and the history of sex, and the art of good sex, and sexual politics) began to take up more and more of my free time, my family probably began to think I was incredibly dull – I could talk politics, and gossip, and chat about my history classes, but I dreaded hearing “so what have you been doing with your free time?” What could I tell them? “Well, I teach women how to female ejaculate, and host events where students stand up and read erotica. Oh, and last weekend I dressed up as a fairy and handed out condoms and dental dams at parties! Yeah, that was fun.” Somehow, I just don’t think that would fly.

I’m occasionally reminded of how little my family knows about my interests and career goals. “I was talking to George the other day,” my aunt Marie said over tea last week, referring to her employer, “and I told him you had just graduated from Smith. He sounded very impressed.” I smiled and felt a little self-conscious. I’m a first generation college student and I always feel some strange balance between admiration and animosity from my family, like they’re proud of me and skeptical at the same time.

“He asked what you were going to do now that you’d graduated, and I told him that, you know, you weren’t really sure yet” she continued, and I bristled. I know exactly what I want to do. In order: work in health outreach, get a degree in public health, design sex education programs, own a sex toy store, live on a working goat farm and write a book. But because of the nature of the work I want to do (well, except for the goat farm), my aunt has only the vaguest notions of what my plans are. I protested mildly, trying to explain that I do have an idea of what I want to do, but I knew there was no way to explain.

This is where the pink ghetto has hit me the hardest. I love my family, and respect them; they’re interesting, and I love to talk to them. Unfortunately, they have no reason to think I’m interesting. I was an opinionated and passionate little girl, and I’m still that way, but few in my family get to see it because it just seems inappropriate to launch into a discussion of the way in which the media is treating the Genarlow Wilson case over tea. So instead, they think I’ve gone from strong-willed adolescent to strangely reserved goat-enthusiast and not much else.

Just as I could not boast to my family that I had been made coordinator of my peer sex ed organization, or that I had been hired to consult on the toy store’s web site, I will relinquish bragging rights about my health outreach position because I will not be able to go into any detail about what it entails. When I publish work on sex education, my excitement will be tempered by my inability to share it with my extended family. And lord, if I ever decide to write erotic fiction, I had better use a pseudonym or risk giving uncle Joe a heart attack.

Health In the News

2007-01-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

Some interesting news stories on women's health:

The FDA is considering stricter rules for hormonal birth control methods, citing research demonstrating that current birth control methods are less effective than their previous counterparts. That, of course, is because old-school BCPs were made with enormous doses of hormones that had lots of adverse side effects. Hormonal birth control now tends to have an effectiveness rate of 98-98.5%, but is much less of a health risk for the average woman. These contraceptives are much less likely to cause blood clots. Remember back in the fall, when the FDA announced that the Ortho Evra patch carried a greater risk of blood clots in the legs and lungs? Ortho Evra also contained (and delivered) higher doses of hormones. 98.5% is a pretty good effectiveness, especially for the health trade-off. No reason to stop using hormonal birth control, ladies (who do it with men), but if it makes you nervous then back it up with a condom! (via Feministing)

In other news...

Women with lower levels of education, lower-income, and high BMIs are more likely to be given inadequate doses when being treated for breast cancer. (NYTimes)

"Female orgasms are potentially a deadly shocker for men" (via Love and Latex)

And, from RH Reality Check, the Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Be Terrified that Dr. Eric Keroack is in Charge of the U.S. Federal Family Planning Program

Finally, a kvetch: the (considerable number of) people who have clicked here looking for a certain video of a certain young man getting head from a certain young woman should probably consider the fact that since said young people were under 18, that video would constitute CHILD PORN. Even if it gets leaked, I'm not going to watch it, let alone post it here. Good lord. Also, I'm still feeling a little unnerved by the media's (and the sex-positive community's) treatment of the conviction. Yeah, the law was crappy, but Wilson isn't someone I want to rally behind.

Sexuality Education: Our First Line of Defense Against “Pornotopia”?

2007-01-26T16:36:00.000-05:00

Here’s how I feel about the complex issue of pornography:
I like it.

I’m not ashamed to like porn. I don’t feel like watching porn has had any ill effects on my life, my self-esteem, my relationships or my intelligence. In fact, I would join with many who’ve come before me (pun not intended, I swear!) in stating that there’s a lot of good to be had from porn: it can help a person learn about different kinds of sex and become more comfortable with sexuality, and it’s a great way to explore a sexual interest (or fetish) that would otherwise be difficult to pursue.

There are those who feel that the pervasive way in which pornography has infiltrated pop culture is having a negative effect on our lives and relationships (and in case you couldn’t tell, I’m putting it mildly). In a 2006 article in the Walrus which extensively quotes Pamela Paul (author of “Pornified: How Pornography is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families”), Charles Foran has a lot to say about pornography, but in particular he is concerned with “newly sexualized youths, who may never recover from being consumers of its distortions.” Foran’s particular argument is that jerking off to “women and men, most of whom are performing lewd sexual acts before a camera because they are poor or damaged” leads to a lessening of human sympathy. “Porn,” Foran states, “may yet be the death of empathy.”

Setting aside for the moment my disagreements with the arguments that Foran and his anti-porn counterparts make, lets look at the ways in which the porn-ruins-our-lives problem can be solved. The typical response is to censor pornography. The degree to which pornography should be censored has been debated, but legally in order for material to be considered obscene it must offend community standards of decency. What counts as “community” in this constantly-connected age is a tricky question, but generally speaking most pornography passes muster. And, as the author of Defending Pornography argues, censoring pornography because some people find it morally indecent breaks with the freedom of speech our constitution guarantees us. I may not like the porn you watch, but I will fight to the death for your right to watch it.

So we’re not going the MacDworkinist censorship route. What’s the next plan of attack? In Pornified, Paul argues for a “censure-not-censor” method of attack. According to Paul (and many who think like her), the media glorifies pornography, making it seem sexy and “hip” to like porn. If light was shed on porn to demonstrate that it is, in fact, “harmful, pathetic, and decidedly unsexy,” it would fall out of favor and its effects would be curtailed. And, simultaneously, we would be returned to the days when pornography was the domain of shame-faced men carrying brown paper packages, hiding their sexual interests and living in fear of the label “pervert.” As I’ve already mentioned, I like porn. I’m not ashamed of it, and I refuse to ascribe to any scheme of things that would have me feel ashamed of it. Just as not all porn is fun and sexy, not all porn is harmful and pathetic.

What if, rather than trying to ban pornography or make people who use it feel bad, we give people the information and emotional tools they need to use pornography in a healthy, positive way? More than that, what if we make it a goal of comprehensive sexuality education to specifically address concerns raised by pornography? If we’re concerned that pornography is making young men disrespectful of their female partners, we should make meaningful and respectful communication skills a part of the curriculum. If we’re worried about the effect porn is having on young women’s self esteem, we should stress self-respect. We should be absolutely and explicitly teaching consent. How can we teach young people how to say and hear no, as well as yes, in an abstinence-only system? Likewise, we should be emphasizing mutual affection as a major factor when choosing sexual partners. A good sexual health education program would address all these topics without the prompting of our apparent pornography-induced relational breakdown.

The anti-porn pundits are often heard to bemoan the over-sexualized nature of our culture, and especially its youth. Whether the mainstreaming and popularity of pornography is a symptom or the cause, the fact remains that pornography is not going away. The adult industry is $10 billion strong. Pornography ushered in the age of VHS, and the technology the porn industry uses will be the technology of the future (personally, I think Sony just wrote Blu-Ray’s obituary, but that’s beside the point). The way to handle the effects of pornography on society is to respond pro-actively, by giving young people the power to make responsible, informed decisions and conduct their sex lives with empathy and respect.

Quick Linkage

2007-01-23T16:26:00.000-05:00

Interesting reads from some brilliant ladies:

Jessica Valenti on the Huffington Post: Trust Women

Today--on the 34th anniversary of Roe v Wade--I have a request. Instead of writing about the legislation, the rhetoric, or the politics surrounding reproductive rights and justice, let's keep it simple. Let's just trust women.

Heather Corinna talks about what "choice" is really about

[...]while it is, absolutely, positively vital to talk about backalley abortions, to talk about what abortion was like before Roe vs. Wade (and what it still is like in areas where abortion is illegal or inaccessible), it’s equally important to talk about what choice as a whole was like and still IS like, even with the help of Roe and other supports. I think many often forget or simply don’t know the combined impact Roe vs. Wade,Title X and other feminist initiatives had when it came to reproductive choice no matter the choice a woman made. More accurately, no matter what a woman did or what was done TO her when she became pregnant before she had any sort of choice.

At Sexerati, Lux Nightmare discusses the Hounddog debacle:

We are so squeamish about adolescent sexuality, about the idea that young people can be sexual (though it is worth noting that the idea of the asexual child is a relatively recent one). We want to believe that children are innocent, unaware of the greater world around them, that, as Andrew Vachss, a child protection consultant and attorney, commented, “A 12-year-old girl can’t consent to any damn thing.”

34 Years of Choice

2007-01-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

Happy Anniversary, Roe v Wade! It's also Blog for Choice day, so:

I've been pro-choice (or, as LadyRed of Postcards From Guyville puts it, against forced birth) since the second grade. It was Bush vs. Clinton, and I didn't know much about politics, but I did know that Bush wanted to take away women's right to have an abortion. And I knew that sometimes women needed abortions, and it wasn't their fault, and they should be able to not have a baby if they didn't want to have a baby. I remember sitting near the baseball field with Lily, Kristin, Kristen and Ayla and discussing how to make sure our parents were voting the way we wanted them to.

One night when I was in the third grade, my parents went to bed and left me in the living room watching nick at nite. I got bored with Mary Tyler Moore (I was more of an "I Love Lucy" girl at that age) and started flipping through the channels. I ended up watching Melrose Place. When it was over and I was upstairs kissing my mother goodnight, I guessed she had been watching Melrose Place too and I asked her if she thought that so-and-so was going to have the abortion. "I don't know, honey," she said, "But I think she'll make the decision that's right for her." I could tell by the look on her face that I wasn't supposed to be asking about abortion. The next day, Melrose Place joined 90210 on the list of TV shows that were off limits.

I was pretty young when I started having sex, and I was stupid about it -- for all my rhetoric about safer sex, I certainly wasn't having it. Sometimes I think it's a miracle I didn't end up pregnant, and sometimes I think I must be infertile (I'm hoping it's the miracle, though). Anyway, if I had gotten pregnant, I would have had an abortion. I talked to my mother about it once -- told her that although I supported other women's right to abortion unconditionally, I didn't think I could have one. I was 16. My mother calmly disagreed with me. She didn't push the issue, but she made it clear that I was going to be childless until after college, period. I didn't argue, because on some level I knew she was right.

Now, one of my 16 year old sisters is pregnant. This sister is my biological father's daughter; for most of our lives she's lived in upstate NY, and we don't see each other often. I cried when I found out she was pregnant, and I wish I could say they were happy tears. I felt like on some level I had failed her, by not being around to protect her, to remind her to be safe, to teach her about her options. But when we talked, I realized that for all of my pro-choice fervor, I had forgotten something: having a baby is a choice, too.

"People are so shocked when I tell them I'm having the baby," she said. "They feel bad for me. They try to tell me how hard it's going to be. And yeah, I know, it's going to be really hard. The timing sucks, the circumstances suck. But it's a baby, not the plague. I'm having a baby."

So my little sister made a choice, and she's having a baby, and I'm going to be an aunt. I am pro-choice because all children deserve to have mothers who chose them, and all women deserve to be able to make that choice.

Peer Sex Ed in China

2007-01-20T15:49:00.000-05:00

A college student in China has written a sex ed manual for her peers, based on her own knowledge and experiences and those of friends. From this article:

"I got the idea to write a sex education book for college students three years ago when I saw many schoolmates begin to get involved in love affairs," Wang told the Xinhua News Agency. "However, many of them are almost illiterate about sex , so pornographic websites, and magazines became their sex teachers."

The hand-written manuscript was passed around to friends, parents, and teachers, and apparently created quite a stir. The young woman's parents were less than pleased. I admire her initiative -- there's no information about sexuality, so she put it out there. I have to say I'm also a little jealous of her audience. The students at my Alma Mater are so sex-saturated. It's often hard to convince them that just because they've seen lots of porn, or they have no problem talking to their friends about sex, they don't necessarily have all of the information they need.

Clinton: "I'm in"

2007-01-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

Hah! Hillary Clinton has announced her presidential bid, meaning that the two front-running candidates for the democratic nomination are a woman and a black man. Wow. This could be big, kids. History in the making (knock on wood).

Diamond Lee Person, and some nerdy academic sex links

2007-01-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

This is the only substantial article I could find on the murder of Diamond Lee Person, a transwoman in Washington DC. Person's partner has been accused of the murder -- her body was only found after a 7-11 burglery led police to his apartment, where they discovered Person's body. This should be NEWS. How can anyone act up about violence against transpeople if they don't know it's happening? Here's an article from the Southern Poverty Law Center about violence against transpeople.

Willful Ignorance

If we want to change the toxic sexual culture on our nations’ college campuses, we need to start looking at the sex education our high-schoolers receive.

The New Prudishness

A resolution for 2007: No more punditry about our "oversexed" culture.

Pap Test, a Mainstay Against Cervical Cancer, May Be Fading Thanks, C!

[...]a newer genetic test that detects human papillomavirus, or HPV, which causes cervical cancer, is starting to play a bigger role in screening. And other genetic tests are being developed. At the least, some experts say, women will no longer need Pap smears as often.

New Bill Proposes Parents Choose Kid’s Sex Ed

House Bill 311 would require a school district to obtain written consent of a parent before the student could take sex education. Currently, all Texas students take sexual education unless a parent requests otherwise. Under the bill, all parents would have to make a choice.

RKB-Love

2007-01-17T20:08:00.000-05:00

So. The Village Voice has replaced Rachel Kramer Bussel with two new columnists, both married Brooklyn moms. Let me be perfectly clear here: I love women, married women, people who live in Brooklyn, and moms. I support their right to get busy. But this:

Editor's note: This week, the Voice introduces our new sex columnists, Nora Shelley and Essie Carmichael, two married women raising kids, living in Brooklyn, and still hoping to get lucky—preferably with their husbands.

This ~~makes me nauseous~~ does not sound like the proper column with which to replace Rachel's Lusty Lady. Where's the queerness? The kink? The beautifully written combination of sex-positivity and endearing humility? I'm so disappointed in the Voice. I'm sure the editors realize this new column won't appeal to the same demographic as Rachel's (although they're sure to have some overlap), so what are they doing? Mainstreaming. How disappointing. She's too good for them.

Anyone who reads me regularly knows that I'm a total Rachel Kramer Bussel Fangirl (seriously. It's kind of embarrassing). There's still lots of Rachel floating around on the interweb -- check out her Lusty Lady blog, which is choc-full of links to her other work and also a great read.

The SF/DC Decision

2007-01-15T15:07:00.000-05:00

This is one major reason why San Francisco is somewhere I want to live:

A friendly band of San Francisco pornographers can't wait to get inside the old armory on Mission Street and start tying people up, artistically. Not only tying them up, but also spanking them, swatting them, cuffing them and whipping them, with sensitivity.

And I will live in San Francisco. Eventually. But for now, I'm moving to DC, and I'm pretty damn excited.

Sex Ed, Lady Farmers, and Thinking About Dogs

2007-01-11T20:12:00.000-05:00

A couple of interesting sex ed tidbits: First, the Montgomery County (MD) board of education has approved a controversial new sexuality education curriculum which discusses homosexuality, but not its origins. The curriculum has detractors on both sides, with some saying that it doesn't go far enough in protecting LGBT students at the school and other arguing that "Absolutely nothing is allowed to be said that is negative about homosexuality." Which, as we all know, is a travesty. It sounds to me like a step in the right direction, particularly if they decide to include a phrase which points out that mainstream medical and mental health organizations have concluded that homosexuality is not a disease or mental illness. Still a long way to go, sure, but any step forward is a good one.

Then, over at RH Reality Check, Andrea Lynch writes about a decade of federally funded abstinence-only education. My favorite part:

"Newsflash, folks: your mom has had sex, and so will your kids."

This post over at Feministing caught my eye: Apparently the number of women farm operators has increased 13% since 1997. Farming as a feminist issue: just another reason to run a small-scale farm someday.

And lastly, when your mind is consumed by important thoughts (like which city to move to), Raven of Questionable Content has the answer: Think About Dogs.

NYC Condoms, Gay Sheep, and a personal update

2007-01-10T19:49:00.000-05:00

Wow! Although it won't suit my friend Elle's purposes, I'm sure NYC residents will be thrilled to learn of the new NYC Condom campaign. Apparently the city, which the Post calls "the country's HIV/AIDS capital", is all set to launch a line of condoms which will be available for free. The condoms will be standard size and lubricated, but packged in colors to mimic the subway lines (clever, clever). Here's the Post article.

In other news, research into sheep sexuality has revealed that 8% of rams are homosexual, and another 8% of ewes appear to be asexual (although since ewes demonstrate sexual readiness by keeping still, who's to say?). The homo-rams have been found to have smaller hypothalamus glands, even while still in utero. Researchers found that by increasing the amount of hormones the rams were recieving, they could be induced to mate with ewes. While this makes good business sense to the farmers who otherwise lose out on 8% of their sires, some gay-rights activists (including, apparently, Martina Navratilova) worry that the studying of "fixing" gay sheep may lead down a slippery slope. On the other hand, the research has proven that homosexuality, at least in sheep, is natural. I like what the author of this article had to say on the subject:

Yes, like Navratilova, I fear the consequences of moves to abort or "cure" gay people - but I cannot fear greater knowledge of the biology of human sexuality. We cannot ringfence whole areas from biological investigation because we might not like what we hear, or because lunatics might misuse it. These experiments - and our scientific understanding - must roll on. It's up to us to create the political circumstances in which they will not be abused.

To the person who Jolted my blog, thanks! And welcome, Jolters. Also, because these seem to come up a lot in searches: As far as I know there are no health risks associated with warming lube, other than the possibility of allergy. And I've never heard of any problems associated with using it during pregnancy, although it wouldn't hurt to ask a doctor. And for pornotube alternatives, although I'm not endorsing these sites, try slutaddicts.com or xtube.com.

And now, a personal update: I've been living in Northampton for a few weeks, with a brief sojurn back to the Berkshires for the holidays. I'm ready for my next advenure, but to where? I've narrowed it down: at the end of this month, I am moving to Washington DC, or to San Francisco. I've got a set of pros & cons lists a mile long and I'm no nearer a decision. San Francisco is the bigger risk, but the size of the sex-positive population there (as well as the presence of two of my close friends) makes it an exciting possibility. Meanwhile, DC feels like conquored territory in some ways (mostly in that I know I can get around and find a job there). But my interests, skills and background are a little less dime-a-dozen there, and I have a support network and some very interesting friends in DC already. I've given myself until friday night to make the decision. I'd LOVE to hear from people who live or have lived in either city, and anyone who has strong feelings about the subject. Or any feelings at all, really. I'm a remarkably indecisive person, so I need all the help I can get!

Turn Me Up, Over, and On?

2007-01-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

Stephanie Sellars writes about erotic spanking for New York Press' Lust Life column:

There’s nothing like a good spanking after a hard day’s work. A hearty slap on the rear awakens the senses and gets the blood flowing. Maybe that’s why it’s sexually arousing—that sudden boost to the circulation reverberates in every direction, expanding evenly like ripples in a lake, flushing the genitals with heat. A pain in the butt becomes pleasure in the crotch because the nerves are so close. It’s an involuntary response.

She paints a pretty picture -- as, apparently, did the spank-er (as opposed to the spank-ee) she writes about:

Everybody else stopped what they were doing to watch. She handled that monstrous instrument of torture with such grace, as if she were painting a landscape on his derriere.

Completely regardless of my personal feelings about spanking as an erotic activity, I love how mainstream it's become. Spanking was once considered the domain of the seriously kinky (though I'm sure many secretly fantasized about it and even tried it out). Now it's out-and-proud, and the kind of activity that even those with otherwise very vanilla sex lives can engage in without feeling like they've crossed that invisible line to "kinky".

More on Spanking:
Naughty Spanking Stories A to Z (Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Also check out Volume 2!)
Spanking Blog
Babeland's Slappers and Floggers
Turn Me Up, Over and On -- classic dyke porn

Big Condom Trouble

2007-01-09T19:01:00.000-05:00

Brooklyn Resident and "Artsy NYC College" Staffer Elle, who is one of my favorite people, has a horror story to tell about buying condoms in New York:

Today I needed to buy non-lubricated Magnum condoms for the show I am working on (You put wireless headset transmitters in them and they prevent the units from being soaked in sweat, thus preserving the life of the unit...totally dorky).

So I go on my hunt through NYC - where you supposedly can find everything...so countless drugstores/pharmacies later, I cannot find any Magnum condoms that are not lubricated NOR can I find non lubed condoms of any brand.

I finally go to Kmart...where I find nonlubricated condoms, though not Magnum. I figure, what the hell, better get them in case they work.

But they are locked. Behind a scary glass cabinet.

So I find the nearest employee and tell him which I want, and he gets them for me. I reach for them, but WAIT! I can't carry them to the counter...he has to carry them to checkout for me.

Ridiculous...It's easier to buy cigarettes...grow up NYC

Wow... what's that about? Buying condoms is scary enough when you're inexperienced. Even I would probably give up if presented with that many obstacles. Then again, I know from this summer that men get a certain thrill out of specifically requesting Magnum condoms. Maybe having to ask multiple times at multiple stores would enhance the experience.

While we're on the subject of Magnums, though: Until this summer I never believed they were actually necessary. After all, I've stretched a regular old lifestyles condom over my entire forearm up to the elbow. I haven't seen all that many penises, but given the size of those who claimed to be well-endowed... let's just say a penis too big for a regular condom seemed like a "stretch" (HAH! Awful pun totally intended). But one afternoon at Ye Olde Sexe Shoppe, my adorable co-worker was complaining to me about how painful it was to use regular condoms.

"It hurts!" He said. "Seriously, the base is really constricting. This one time it snapped right in the middle, like a rubber band!"
I rolled my eyes. "Sure, buddy, that's what they all say. You must have some massive junk hidden away down there."
He smiled modestly and shrugged. I laughed a little incredulously. "What are we talking about, here? Bandit? Large Realistic?"
"Um... well..." And off he went to the other side of the store. He returned with a dildo we called Max. Max was a Vixskin product -- to the best of my knowledge he was a sort of prototype of Maverick or Outlaw. But Max was... huge. We're talking something like 12 inches in length, with a circumference of about 7 inches. When people would point to one of the large dildos and boast about a past lover, we would reach for Max and ask, "But have you ever had anyone this big?" It almost always shut them up.

So there I am, holding Max and wondering if my coworker would swing my way if I got him drunk enough. He tossed a condom at me from the display, and I tore it open (without checking the expiration date, but don't tell anyone), squeezed the tip and began to roll it over Max's head. And you know what? It didn't fit. It took me a solid two minutes to get a condom on that cock, and it was a struggle the whole way.

So I had to concede to my coworker. Apparently not all men are just trying to boost their own egos when they buy Magnums! Although I've got to tell you, that one ex of mine who used them? Yeah... he didn't need 'em.

Academy of Music to Close

2007-01-05T17:16:00.000-05:00

We interupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the following public service announcement:

Attention Smithies past and present who are not currently in the valley:

The Academy of Music closed yesterday. The move is publicly being called a "hiatus", but the staff has been entirely laid off, including the General Manager who had been with the theater for more than 30 years. The decision was made by the Board of Directors, which includes Northampton Mayor Mary Claire Higgens and Smith's President Christ. The theater, which is the 6th oldest in the country, is owned by the city of Northampton and primarily funded by donations. The Board plans to honor all current contracts for live events scheduled at the theater, but beyond that its future is unclear.

I know how upset I would have been to come back from J-Term and find the Academy closed. The staff wasn't really notified: those that were there Tuesday evening found out when Board members arrived and told them. Others found out with the rest of the city on Thursday morning, when it hit the papers.

Dr. Laura on Sex as a Commodity

2006-12-31T15:20:00.000-05:00

Prompted by the sale of the domain “Sex.com” for $12 million, Dr. Laura penned this column on the commodification of sex. Now normally I try to avoid Dr. Laura altogether. I find her lack of insight into… oh… reality to be frustrating. There’s no reasoning with that, there’s no rebuttal that would make her think twice about what she’s saying, there’s no reason to bother driving myself crazy over it. But this particular piece was delivered to my inbox by the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, and when they send something I know it’s worth a read.

And it was. It was full of her usual vitriolic blather about people who have sex without total emotional commitment and how we’re causing society’s downfall – and normally that would cause me to start tearing at my hair and spouting facts about sexual abuse in marriage, but this time I was able to take it all in stride with a bemused smile on my face, all because of this line:

“[…]check your local University course handbook and you’ll find courses in perversions and pornography presented in as positive a perspective as anti-United States politics!”

I admit it, I had to read it a few times to be sure of what she was saying. The first time I read it, I snorted with laughter, then kept reading. A few lines down, I thought to myself, “self, there’s no way she would actually be saying what you think she’s saying.” So I went back and read it again, and tried to give her a little more credit. The third time through I realized it was no mistake: Dr. Laura thinks universities are full of PERVERTS and COMMIES!

(Well, she probably meant “anti-United States politics” to mean “those evil Middle-Eastern countries that don’t want to be homogenized” and not “those damn reds.” The message is the same, though.)

Knowing that Dr. Laura is stuck in a cold-war anti-intellectual mentality made it a lot easier to handle the rest of the piece, which included comments like

“While males and females are physiologically and temperamentally quite different creatures; women into nesting, bonding and nurturing, and men into conquest, providing, and protecting, they are quite similar spiritually.”

And

“How did this begin? […]I think it obviously starts with birth-control”

And, the worst:

“Well, I’m here to tell you that this experiment has failed. Nobody, except the perverts, pedophiles, narcissists and sadists are happy with sex becoming a commodity.”

to which I would just like to say: She forgot masochists! Some of us get off enormously on being sexual commodities. Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think your average middle-American, Howard Stern watching, church-going, beer-drinking Joe benefits quite a bit from the commodification of sex. As do many other people, of course, but the rest of them are all perverts and commies and should stay in their universities and leave the rest of us alone.

Dear Blog

2006-12-28T17:53:00.000-05:00

Dear, darling, neglected blog...

I have been lax in my attentions to you, and for that I am eternally sorry. It's just, what with the holiday and the moving and the not having the internets at our new "home" (that is to say, the apartment I'm staying in at the moment, which feels a lot like home because of who we're living with), it's hard to find the time to write, or even to read all the stuff I'd otherwise be posting on you. Give me time, and I promise I'll be attentive and loving and make it all up to you after the new year.

Love,
Amanda

Free Genarlow?

2006-12-21T17:24:00.000-05:00

This story has been getting a lot of press lately: A young man in Georgia has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for engaging in consensual oral sex with a 15 year old girl when he was 17. Georgia law states that anyone engaging in oral sex with an underage female is committing a crime. There's more to it than that, though, even though "Free Genarlow" has become the rallying cry.

The whole thing went down like this:
Someone threw a really awesome party -- the kind you want to go to when you're 15, and the kind your parents don't want you going to ever. People were drinking, smoking up, and having sex -- and there was a video camera. Genarlow Wilson, the young man in question, was caught on tape having sex with a 17 year old who appears very drunk, or at least very sleepy. Later, he and several other young men are seen receiving oral sex from a 15 year old young woman, who says she wasn't drinking that night and that the acts were consensual. The next day, the 17 year old brought rape charges against Wilson and several others. Under Georgia law (and that of many other states), an intoxicated person cannot give consent, so sex acts occurring while a partner is drunk can be considered rape if that person later feels she has been violated and taken advantage of. Wilson was charged, went to trial, and found not guilty of rape in this instance, but found guilty on charges of aggravated child molestation for receiving oral sex from a 15 year old.

So, despite the fact that Wilson was an honor student, high school track and football star, and homecoming king, he wasn't exactly a prince, and there were social factors at play here -- not just the age of the young woman involved, but also her relative social status and the power-dynamics involved there. These factors contribute to sexual manipulation (of people of all ages and genders, although young women are particularly vulnerable) on a daily basis. It isn't surprising that he was charged, given the context in which the sex act took place; because of the way the law was written, the proof that he had in fact received oral sex from a 15 year old (the video, that is) meant that the jury had no choice but to find him guilty. Although he was acquitted of the rape charge in the case of the 17 year old woman, I'm still willing to go out on a limb and say: ew. I don't care if he wasn't convicted, what happened to the 17 year old was absolutely disgusting and a poor decision on his part. It speaks volumes that this part of the story is being swept under the rug by the media and Wilson is being painted as a hometown hero wrongly accused.

Jessica of Feministing is quite right in pointing out the incredibly sexist implications of the law that Genarlow Wilson, the young man, broke:

Consent laws are overwhelmingly enforced to "protect" young girls, even if some of them don't need protecting. I find it pretty insulting that any teen girl who has sex is an automatic victim.

She also points out that charges may not have been brought at all if it had been the young man performing oral sex, and not the other way around. Regardless of the fact that many are manipulated and violated, this particular young woman has not said she felt that way. Law states that she could not legally give consent (because she was 15 at the time), and that law denies that she, as a young woman, is capable of making decisions about her body and her life.

Back in the day, when I was a majorly sexually active minor, the idea that either myself or my partner were doing something illegal was inconceivable. What I was doing was punishable in the court of My Mother's House, sure, but in a court of Law? According to this article in The Sunday Times (UK-Scotland edition), many young people are startled to learn their randy behavior is punishable by law:

When Paul lost his virginity to an older girl, he never thought he might be committing a crime. Emma, his first girlfriend, was a year older than him at 15 and already sexually experienced. But when her parents discovered the nature of their relationship, it was 14-year-old Paul who was threatened with the law.

For the record, Paul was not charged, but under Scottish law he could have been.

In Georgia, Wilson recently lost his appeal. Meanwhile, Georgia lawmakers are in the process of rewriting the law under which he was convicted to match that which applies to intercourse. Under the new "Romeo and Juliet" law, teens within 3 years of each other in age will not be able to be charged for oral sex (unless, of course, it isn't consensual, but that's a whole other law).

In the meantime, a recent study by the Guttmacher Institute found that 9 out of 10 US citizens have engaged in premarital sex. I wonder how many of them were committing a crime at the time? In any case, the study provides ample evidence that abstinence only until marriage might not be the wisest of choices when it comes to sex education.

More:
Wilson's Attorney Answers Questions
NY Times Op-Ed: Free Genarlow Wilson Now
Why is Genarlow Wilson in Jail?
Interesting Debate in the Feministing Comments

Tool of the Patriarchy.

2006-12-18T15:19:00.000-05:00

I went into CVS for asthma medicine. I left with: volumizing conditioner, pomegranate-mango body wash, hair dye, cosmopolitan magazine, and tampons. Oh yeah, and the asthma medicine.

What the hell happened? Let's take it one item at a time, shall we? The volumizing conditioner I needed because I'm out, and the person I'm staying with right now... his conditioner just doesn't cut it. It took me a solid half hour to detangle my hair this afternoon. The body wash is because, for the first time in a long time, I don't want to smell like boy. I want to smell pretty and feminine. I'm not exactly sure why fruity=feminine, but since it wasn't labelled "For Men" like the other body wash I felt safely ladylike. The Nice'n'Easy (hair color, or motto?) is because believe me, it's time. And I'd like to dye it before I get it cut so the hairstylist will think I'm less of a slob. The Cosmo... I don't know what happened there. I haven't bought that magazine in a year at least. I don't think I've read it much more recently. I used to read it occasionally for a laugh. Today I told myself I was buying it for blog-fodder.

And the tampons. Brand-name, bleached cotton tampons. That's right. Do you know, I've had not one but TWO boyfriends tell me I should use The Keeper instead? It's not that I think there's anything wrong with it as a product, and I recognize the economic and environmental benefits of it. When a woman friend recommends it to me, I have no problem discussing it with her and telling her the reasons I don't use it. But a GUY? Please. Until you deal with bleeding on a monthly basis, don't be self-righteous about my use of tampons. I'll deal with my period however I choose. For the record, the sight of that much blood (even the thought of it, really, and even though I know there's more to menstrual fluid than blood) makes me dizzy and faint, and the idea of needing to empty The Keeper in a public place makes me feel incredibly socially anxious.

Anyway. So, I leave CVS and almost immediately run into a friend -- a grown-up friend, whom I respect and admire. And I was immediately ashamed of the contents of my CVS bag. Not that I think she'd care that much, but still.

So what happened to make me buy all that stuff? I think it's about control. I'm feeling stressed and like I don't have a grasp on things, and my femininity is not only something I have control over, but also something that can help me regain control over my life -- the more I fit in to the mainstream ideal, the more likely things are to fall into place for me.

Yuck. Watch as I add "find new ways to feel in control of life" to my to-do list. Right next to "Buy plane ticket to San Francisco."

Sorry for the weird post, guys -- it's been a weird week!

Speaking of Adverts: Viagra Much?

2006-12-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

Kids see too many anti-impotence ads, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. The doctors released a statement, as a part of their general stance on youth exposure to television advertising, that

"We'd like to see more birth control ads," Strasburger said, "and less ads for erectile dysfunction drugs because it makes sex seem like a recreational activity."

Okay, so it's a bit of a conflicting message. After all, commercials for birth control don't exactly encourage people to think of sex as sacred or solely for procreation. And if it isn't for procreation, isn't it for... recreation? Well, sure, sometimes. But the AAP statement points out that there continues to be more advertising in prime time for ED drugs than for birth control, and that

This is despite the fact that 2 national polls have found that a majority of Americans favor the advertising of birth control on TV.

The statement also points out that

Research has definitively found that giving teenagers increased access to birth control through advertising does not make them sexually active at a younger age.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation is also giving serious thumbs down to Viagra's advertising, claiming that

Pfizer's marketing treats Viagra as a tool to improve one's sex life instead of a drug for a medical condition.

I would agree with that claim, and I do think it's irresponsible on the part of Pfizer. On the other hand, I also think there's something not quite right about the organization's response campaign: Ads in the Village Voice and in gay publications in New York, LA, South Florida and San Francisco will show a doctor's prescription pad "which contains the message that Viagra combined with crystal methamphetamine creates a prescription for HIV infection." I guess what I find so startling about this campaign is that Viagra is the target. The idea is that meth can cause ED during the high, but pair it with Viagra and you're free to screw whoever you want. But... shouldn't the emphasis be on not having unsafe sex? After all, if a side effect of meth wasn't temporary ED, Viagra couldn't be the scapegoat.

Hotter than Monica and Bill? Just Barely.

2006-12-12T00:27:00.000-05:00

Kinda hot? I think so. It's from the Naked Cigar Calendar Company's 2007 edition. The perfect gift for your favorite cigar aficionado (assuming s/he likes naked ladies). (Via Fleshbot)

Pizza, Drinking and Sex

2006-12-12T00:14:00.000-05:00

HAH! From ifilm.com to my blog, for your viewing entertainment.

One Less?

2006-12-11T23:51:00.000-05:00

Merck has chosen the slogan “One Less” to advertise Gardasil, the HPV vaccine that helps protect women from the four kinds of Human Papillomavirus that are most likely to cause genital warts and cervical cancer. They advise women that by getting the vaccine, they (or their daughters) could be “one less life affected by cervical cancer.” Solid advice, but genital warts are never mentioned. Neither is the fact that HPV is sexually transmitted. But I’ve vented about all that here before, and today I have a different soapbox to stand on.

I realize that a commercial isn’t behavioral psychology, but there are some basic tenets which seem to carry over. Medicines for asthmatics, for example, aren’t marketed as “you’ll wheeze less!” Instead, they’re marketed as “You’ll finally be able to run through fields of flowers with your dog without stopping to take a puff on your inhaler!” Positive reinforcement, if you will.

Now don’t get me wrong: I, and the women I know, all want to be “one less” cervical cancer statistic. But in a culture that constantly negates women’s thoughts, women’s work, women’s experiences, is “One Less” really a wise slogan? Essentially, it’s negative reinforcement. At the very end of the television commercial, a group of girls are jumping rope and chanting “O-N-E-L-E-S-S, I wanna be one less (ONE LESS!)” I found it absolutely haunting. I don’t want those little girls to think of themselves as less! I want them to think of themselves as one MORE woman who is protected against HPV.

Am I being silly? Language is so incredibly important and so easy to overlook. Everything in this country is informed by a culture that negates women. Every little thing, even down to telling girls to be “one less.” While I’m sure those who designed the ad campaign weren’t thinking “Oh, let’s make young women feel reduced,” the language isn’t innocent or innocuous. Why use negative language when a positive phrase would work as well, if not better? Language has impact regardless of intent.

That being said: if you're eligible, please consider being vaccinated. The you, too, can be one more woman protected against HPV.

Durex Condoms Contain Silicone Lube

2006-12-08T22:20:00.000-05:00

So, you've taken the advice of your friendly local adult store employee/sex educator/toy-savvy friend, and you always cover your dildos with condoms to make for easier clean-up and to keep porous toys from getting germy. You even switch condoms between orifices. Congratulations!

But do you know what kind of lube is on your condom? I posted about this several weeks ago, after I emailed Trojan, Durex and Lifestyles to inquire about the lubricant used on their condoms. Trojan quickly wrote back to inform me that only their polyurethane condom (Avanti) uses a silicone-based lubricant. The rest use water-based lube. I took that response from Trojan, along with Kimono's proud advertisement of their "unique" water-based lubricant, and felt safe in generalizing that most condoms were probably lubricated the same way.

Oh, but I was wrong. This email arrived recently from Durex:

All of our lubricated condoms contain lubricants that are silicone based
except the lubricant used in our Natural Feeling condoms which is water
based.

Now, I'm sure you recall hearing from your friendly local adult store employee/sex educator/toy-savvy friend that silicone lube is bad news for silicone and cyberskin toys. It breaks down the material, although I can't honestly tell you to what degree. I've heard reports that a nickel-sized amount of silicone lube and a little friction will literally melt a silicone dildo. I've also heard that the effect isn't quite as visible, but just as sad: silicone lube degrades the material, making it porous and ruining one of the best things about having silicone toys! Since I know better, I've never had a silicone meltdown accidentally, and (let's face it folks) who has the extra cash to willfully ruin a perfectly good sex toy, even if it is in the name of science?

That being said, I can't tell you for sure what the effect of a silicone-lubed Durex condom is on a silicone toy. I definitely think it's possible that the combination of
silicone-on-silicone and lots of friction could create a reaction. Anyone else want to weigh in? If you've ever had a major condom-related dildo meltdown, or if you use Durex on your Johnny all the time and have never noticed a problem, or if you have more hard facts about the science, I'd love to hear from you.

In the meantime: Trojan and Kimono are (mostly) water-based, and Durex uses (mostly) silicone. Still no response from Lifestyles. I feel like I should write an investigative report... think 20/20 would buy it?

Serious Linkage

2006-12-07T13:15:00.000-05:00

I don't know that it's actually true, but there seems to have been an inordinate amount of sex-related news this past week, and I missed most of it (what with the being away business). So, here are a whole bunch of links -- you may find some of them to be old news. I promise to be more up to date after this.

Someone mentioned that I never really wrote about World AIDS Day. He's right, but it's a bit late now. I think I'll wait a couple months and bring it up when everyone's stopped talking about AIDS again. In the meantime: Global AIDS statistics which, in many ways, speak for themselves.

Everyone (and her bubbe) seems to be cracking jokes about the recent decisions by the highest court of Conservative Judaism. The decisions (there were three of them, based on different aspects of Jewish law -- two against and one for) essentially allow individual schools and synagogues to decide whether to admit openly gay rabbinical students or perform same-sex unions.

In addition to World AIDS Day, I missed out on commenting on Free EC Day! Planned Parenthood clinics across the country were giving EC away to the over-18 crowd. Younger types could also get the EC by filling out some paperwork and having a short counseling session. Just because you didn't get around to getting some yesterday, though, doesn't mean you should forget about EC altogether: if you're having (or might be having in the future) potentially-reproductive sex, it's a great idea to go get Plan-B to keep on hand. That way, if the condom breaks, you don't have to worry about rushing out to get it.

So... Iranian President Ahmadinejad may have been caught ogling some lovely dancing and singing ladies -- or at least not leaving the room when they arrived. Iran's law forbids women from singing or dancing in front of men, and government officials are expected to conform to those laws even when abroad on official business. Is he a hypocrite? I don't think that's the important point here. What's important is the demonstration that attraction is deeply ingrained, and even those most dedicated to its denial can fall pray to it. Maybe the lesson is that old adage, "Everything in moderation."

Mary Cheney is preggers! My congratulations to her and her partner Heather. I feel bad that her pregnancy is so public, but this was bound to stir up controversy. The one thing I can't get past is how everyone keeps saying "Now Cheney will see! He won't be able to sleep at night!" Y'think? Really? I think Cheney is way past losing sleep over a little thing like his granddaughter.

Congress tried to sneak in one last anti-abortion bill, but that all came to bupkis yesterday. The bill, which would have required doctors to give patients information stating that a fetus can feel pain starting at five weeks, was criticized for its lack of scientific backing. Doctors also would have been required to offer women anesthesia -- for the fetus. The bill did not receive the 2/3rds vote it needed from the House in order to pass.

It's true, Babeland is fabulous. But if you're in the (pioneer) valley, consider shopping locally: Oh My, located in Northampton, has a great selection of high-quality sex toys, lubes, and other fun bedroom (kitchen/shower/anywhere you want to do it) products. The store is run by a mother and daughter, both very knowledgeable, and the manager of their currently-under-development toy party program is a really fabulous sex educator friend of mine from college. I bought some Pink there this weekend. It's good stuff.

Finally, a quote from Heather Corinna's Why I Stopped Putting All (or most) of My Efforts into Erotica post:

[...] all of the work I do in sexuality, women’s sexuality and feminism is a lot harder than I’d like, hurts my brain and heart a lot more, and demands a LOT more of me. It means that I have to come at this stuff from both angles: I have to find ways to work on the sexuality aspects while also still working on the bigger context our sexuality lives within.

Lordy. Smart people make me so happy.

This Feminist Likes It Rough

2006-12-04T16:32:00.000-05:00

A Quickie from Noho -

Jessica over at Feministing posted about the myth that feminists don't like rough sex. The piece is filled with funny (and slightly unnerving and mostly unbelievable) quotes from two other authors. The discussion that followed in the comments was pretty interesting too.

I'm pretty sure that Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon are at the root of this cultural misconception about feminism -- or rather, I think that the simplification of their work as it's read is to blame. Interesting stuff.

Promises Should Be Kept: World Aids Day 2006

2006-11-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

Today is World AIDS Day, and the theme this year is accountability. In 2000, heads of state around the world made a pledge to stop the spread of AIDS by the year 2015 -- are they keeping their promise?

New reports by UNAIDS and the World Health Organization (WHO) indicate that, as of 2006, the epidemic continues to spread in every region of the world. By now more than 65 million people have been infected with HIV and well over 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981, 2.9 million in 2006 alone. At this rate, the WHO predicts that in the next 25 years another 117 million people will die, making AIDS the third leading cause of death worldwide.(From a World AIDS Campaign press release.)

This year, World AIDS Day is calling leaders to account for what progress has -- and has not -- been made.

I'm away for the weekend for some inspiration (send me a message if you're in Northampton and you want to hang out!), but I would like to leave you with this link: the trailer for The Bi Apple, written-produced-directed by the amazing Audacia Ray. Congrats, Dacia! Get excited for this one, kids, it's gonna be good.

EDIT: Clearly, when I said today I meant Friday December 1st, not Thursday November 30th. That's what I get for preparing a post ahead of time!

Circumcision as STI Prevention?

2006-11-29T14:18:00.000-05:00

The New Zealand study which found that circumcision reduces the risk of STI infection in males has been showing up everywhere. When I first saw I thought about blogging it, but I couldn't quite gather my thoughts enough to be coherent.

Generally speaking, I've had better luck with circumcised men. Since my most serious relationship was with a Jewish man, I spent years assuming that my little baby boys would be circumcised. I gave some thought to it at that point -- what it meant as a sign of the covenant, whether it made sense even if the children wouldn't be raised Orthodox -- but since then I haven't had the opportunity to reevaluate my thoughts on the subject. The only way it enters my consciousness now is when I hear about anti-circumcision activism, which often likens the removal of the foreskin to female genital mutilation. That kind of rhetoric terrifies me. They're not comparable. Period.

So when a close friend told me this afternoon that his sons would never be circumcised, I was surprised. And nervous. I asked why, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. If he said anything about FGM, I was going to be pretty upset. Instead, he shocked me by offering an incredibly sensible argument against circumcision:

There was a recent study published that uncircumcised men are more likely to end up with STIs and I fear that parents will run with that. If your son knows how to protect himself he doesn't need to lose his foreskin for it. And if he's taught how to clean he'll be clean. And if he's taught that it's ok for his to look different than his classmates' he'll be ok with that, too. It doesn't make sense to change someone's anatomy for your own comfort.

And suddenly, my entire perspective shifted. He's right! Sure, circumcision can reduce the risk of STI infection in men. But using a condom can too, and if we would just instate comprehensive sexuality education maybe we wouldn't need to perform genital surgery on infants. How silly does it seem to surgically alter the bodies of our children rather than just educate them about safer sex?

Sugasm #56

2006-11-28T07:31:00.000-05:00

This week’s best of the sex blogs from the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #57? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

Same Time Next Year (http://nocloudnine.blogspot.com)

“She nodded again, grabbing the doorframe as she pushed against the finger.”

Fuck me- it’s friday. (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)

“I won’t pretend to be coy- because I know what I want.”

Sexual Things You Don’t Know About Me (http://www.taratainton.com)

“My own erotic inner self has been piqued these last few days by a wonderful fantasy; maybe I can help pique yours by sharing.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Happy Thanksgiving (http://sugarbank.com)

Editors’ Choice

Fast and Furious (http://edinerotica.blogspot.com)

Sponsored Link

iBuzz Two - the new iPod Sex

Toy for couples http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/ibuzztwo/

“Next-gen vibrator gives everything you and your partner need to enjoy music

and music-activated vibrations at the same time.

Even works with a Zune ”

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Sex News & Reviews

Lesbian Sadomasochistic Schoolgirls for PlayStation 2 (http://adelehaze.com)

Q: Can non nude porn be hot? (http://ylovesporn.com)

Remote Control Wireless Vibrating Egg Review (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)

BDSM and Fetish

Happy HNT - Classroom paddling (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)

A Nawty Story: Kitten’s After School Special (http://anawtymouz.blogspot.com)

And One for Luck (http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog)

Working late, Part I (http://www.betweensheets.net)

Erotic Writing and Experiences

100 Things I Want To Do Before I Die (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)

clIMax for breakfast (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

Home cooking, part 3 (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)

Hotel (http://slutissimo2.wordpress.com)

The Other Side of Jen (http://drtycplinva.blogspot.com)

Throbbing Cunt… OH I Need An Orgasm! (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)

What I did to Devil in a Blue Dress (http://dirtytalk.wordpress.com)

Sex History

Instruction And Advice For The Young Bride (http://bratmaster.co.uk)

Sexy Humor

Chicken Man (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

Those sexy italians (http://hard-and-fast.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics (& videos)

Alison Angel - Christmas (video) (http://hotboxbabe.thumblogger.com)

Black and White Erotic Photos by JS Hicks (http://www.ddgirlsblog.com)

Half-Nekkid and Begging to Be Asked (http://www.TarasNaughtyShop.com)

Happy Thanksgiving! (http://kitchen-girls.blogspot.com)

Shay Laren Masturbates (video) (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Sex Work

PSO’s Thanksgiving (http://sabrinainstockings.com)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Craigslist Personals (II) (http://pornster.blogspot.com)

Soft Porn is Greedy (http://www.teen-porn-site.com/blog)

Sex & Politics

A National Addiction to Porn? (http://fullfrontalpolitics.com)

Sex Positive Feminism: A Statement of Beliefs (http://sexualevolution.blogspot.com)

the other side of the camera

2006-11-27T16:26:00.000-05:00

I'm not photogenic. It's that vicious cycle: I don't photograph well, so I hate having my picture taken, so I wince whenever someone points a camera in my direction, so I photograph terribly. There's a line in an ani difranco song, "it took me too long to realize I don't look good in pictures 'cause I have the kind of beauty that moves." I'd like to think of it as my photographic motto, but I'm really sure it's true. All I know is that my "mirror face" (which is very cute) does not translate to pictures.

But I love being on the other side of the camera. I don't know a lot about photography, but I do have a general sense of what makes for an interesting photo. And... I just love it.

In an attempt to use my love of photography to become more photogenic, I've been taking a lot of self-portraits the last couple of months; some of them on a timer, some of them at arms length. They've mostly been terrible. Today I got fed up. I decided that it doesn't matter if I make a funny face if you can't see my face.

They came out okay -- not amazing or original, and kind of blurry, but they're pictures of me and they don't make me want to cry. And that's a step in the right direction! I'm not posting any actual nudity here, because (call me inhibited, but) there are too many people reading who know me personally and who, I'm sure, can do without nekkid Amanda.

A Thousand Tiny Sexes

2006-11-27T11:49:00.000-05:00

Have you read Anne Fausto-Sterling's The Five Sexes? Written in 1993, it discusses intersexuality and the ways in which our Male/Female system of sex-categorization is insufficient. I was only 10, so I can't tell you how radical a notion that was at the time, but I can tell you that theorists and activists and scientists -- including Fausto-Sterling herself -- have taken the building blocks of The Five Sexes and used them to continue to evaluate and reimagine the way we think about sex.

A Thousand Tiny Sexes is a book project whose aim goes way beyond just five sexes. From the website:

To imagine that there are only two sexes - M & F - is an absurdity. There are at least 1000 sexes. The daily lived reality of transgender and intersexual people (and gay, lesbian, queer and all other people, for that matter) proves this over and over again, yet many people continue to operate as if 'M' and 'F' are the only sexes, the only options, the only expressions, the only goals, the only way ("the way it is").

The ideology behind A Thousand Tiny Sexes is quite radical. They're not just talking about gradiations of female and male; they're looking for submissions that "entirely reimagine sex as a biological, cultural, political, and social category." Really interesting stuff; I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Image: "Found Sex #1" by kanarinka, one of the editors of A Thousand Tiny Sexes.
Via sexblo.gs.

Pornographic Relief for Comics Nerds

2006-11-26T17:22:00.000-05:00

Good lord, I'm tired of posting about politics. Are you sick of reading it? I like sex, I started a blog to write about sex, so where is all the sex?

Well, here's some. I've never really enjoyed photo spreads -- the kind you see in magazines like Penthouse, I mean. There just isn't enough action in them for me, or enough expression, or something. I'll take a grainy, slow-to-load free web clip over a glossy photo spread any day.

But now, Xmics have brought action back into the overlit photographic bedroom! I have to admit I kind of dig this site: they take photo spreads and turn them into comics by inserting speech bubbles and narration, so you can imagine what the models are thinking and feeling without actually having to imagine it. Sounds good, right? Plus, it's free, and there are a ton of different themes and episodes. They're able to make it free because each comic links back to the paysite that provided the photo spread. (Via Fleshbot. What would I do without Fleshbot?)

Burglar alerts police to massive child porn stash

2006-11-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

This is very nearly unbelieveable. And really funny, except for the whole child porn part. From the Montreal Gazette:

A local man has been jailed after an outraged burglar spotted massive amounts of child pornography on his computer and called police. William Mitchell was charged in October 2005 and pleaded guilty. The RCMP had received an anonymous tip saying someone had broken into Mitchell's residence and taken a video camera. The camera, the tipster said, had images of child pornography and would be left on the steps of a church. Police retrieved the camera and, following the address printed on the burglar's note, seized computer equipment containing about 60,000 images of children in various stages of undress.

Mitt's Mad

2006-11-25T22:13:00.000-05:00

(Posting from safari on a Mac, so pardon my temporary lack of formatting)

"Gov. Mitt Romney filed a lawsuit Friday asking the state’s highest court to order the legislature to vote on a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage or to place it on the 2008 ballot if lawmakers do not take up the provision." (NYT, Massachusettes Governer Sues to Compel Vote on Same-Sex Marriage Amendment)

First of all: It's over. You lost. Move on. And please, if you're ever by some bizarre chance elected president, don't brag about having been our governor. We're not proud of it. It was a weak moment.

The goal of the lawsuit is to force the legislature to vote on the amendment -- if fifty legislators vote it up two years running, it'll be on the ballot for the state in '08. Mr. Romney, if you get to vote on my marriage, do I get to vote on yours?

Trying really hard not to get angry. Sour grapes is all it is. And apparently legally frivolous.

Sex in The Guardian

2006-11-24T00:29:00.000-05:00

An editorial in The Guardian claims that "The west's attitude to issues of reproductive health, especially in the US, causes women's deaths all over the world."

Bravo. More:

The consequences of such moral superiority are grave - not only in the fight against Aids but across the whole field of sexual and reproductive health. We have the US preaching abstinence from sex as the answer to Aids in Africa and refusing funds to any family-planning clinics across the world that provide abortions or even counsel women about them. This head-in-the-sand attitude towards abortion leads directly to women's deaths. Every year nearly 20 million unsafe abortions are carried out on desperate women in ill-lit rooms and illegal clinics. You don't stop that happening by refusing to talk about it.

"Our moral superiority about sex is proving deadly," Sarah Boseley, Friday November 24, 2006

"Don't Bet on Barack"

2006-11-22T18:42:00.000-05:00

I really appreciate this opinion piece posted on The Advocate's website. I had been feeling anxious and left out of all the "Obama '08" rhetoric because of his position on same sex marriage (namely, that he opposes it). An excerpt from the Advocate article:

“I was reminded that it is my obligation not only as an elected official in a pluralistic society, but also as a Christian, to remain open to the possibility that my unwillingness to support gay marriage is misguided,” Obama wrote in his recent memoir, The Audacity of Hope.

But Obama’s audacity is not only his unwillingness to support the issue, but also his misunderstanding and misuse of the term “gay marriage.” The terminology “gay marriage” not only stigmatizes and stymies our efforts for marriage equality, but it also suggests that LGBT people’s marriages are or would be wholly different from those of heterosexuals, thus altering its landscape, if not annihilating the institution of marriage entirely.

I'm already so nervous about '08. If my options are Barack, who opposes marriage equality, and Hillary, who (let's be realistic) doesn't have a prayer against McCain... lordy, I just don't know. Anyone more politically savvy want to weigh in? And maybe make me feel better?