RKB-Love

So. The Village Voice has replaced Rachel Kramer Bussel with two new columnists, both married Brooklyn moms. Let me be perfectly clear here: I love women, married women, people who live in Brooklyn, and moms. I support their right to get busy. But this:

Editor's note: This week, the Voice introduces our new sex columnists, Nora Shelley and Essie Carmichael, two married women raising kids, living in Brooklyn, and still hoping to get lucky—preferably with their husbands.

This makes me nauseous does not sound like the proper column with which to replace Rachel's Lusty Lady. Where's the queerness? The kink? The beautifully written combination of sex-positivity and endearing humility? I'm so disappointed in the Voice. I'm sure the editors realize this new column won't appeal to the same demographic as Rachel's (although they're sure to have some overlap), so what are they doing? Mainstreaming. How disappointing. She's too good for them.

Anyone who reads me regularly knows that I'm a total Rachel Kramer Bussel Fangirl (seriously. It's kind of embarrassing). There's still lots of Rachel floating around on the interweb -- check out her Lusty Lady blog, which is choc-full of links to her other work and also a great read.

The SF/DC Decision

This is one major reason why San Francisco is somewhere I want to live:

A friendly band of San Francisco pornographers can't wait to get inside the old armory on Mission Street and start tying people up, artistically. Not only tying them up, but also spanking them, swatting them, cuffing them and whipping them, with sensitivity.

And I will live in San Francisco. Eventually. But for now, I'm moving to DC, and I'm pretty damn excited.

Sex Ed, Lady Farmers, and Thinking About Dogs

A couple of interesting sex ed tidbits: First, the Montgomery County (MD) board of education has approved a controversial new sexuality education curriculum which discusses homosexuality, but not its origins. The curriculum has detractors on both sides, with some saying that it doesn't go far enough in protecting LGBT students at the school and other arguing that "Absolutely nothing is allowed to be said that is negative about homosexuality." Which, as we all know, is a travesty. It sounds to me like a step in the right direction, particularly if they decide to include a phrase which points out that mainstream medical and mental health organizations have concluded that homosexuality is not a disease or mental illness. Still a long way to go, sure, but any step forward is a good one.

Then, over at RH Reality Check, Andrea Lynch writes about a decade of federally funded abstinence-only education. My favorite part:

"Newsflash, folks: your mom has had sex, and so will your kids."

This post over at Feministing caught my eye: Apparently the number of women farm operators has increased 13% since 1997. Farming as a feminist issue: just another reason to run a small-scale farm someday.

And lastly, when your mind is consumed by important thoughts (like which city to move to), Raven of Questionable Content has the answer: Think About Dogs.

NYC Condoms, Gay Sheep, and a personal update

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Turn Me Up, Over, and On?

Stephanie Sellars writes about erotic spanking for New York Press' Lust Life column:

There’s nothing like a good spanking after a hard day’s work. A hearty slap on the rear awakens the senses and gets the blood flowing. Maybe that’s why it’s sexually arousing—that sudden boost to the circulation reverberates in every direction, expanding evenly like ripples in a lake, flushing the genitals with heat. A pain in the butt becomes pleasure in the crotch because the nerves are so close. It’s an involuntary response.

She paints a pretty picture -- as, apparently, did the spank-er (as opposed to the spank-ee) she writes about:

Everybody else stopped what they were doing to watch. She handled that monstrous instrument of torture with such grace, as if she were painting a landscape on his derriere.

Completely regardless of my personal feelings about spanking as an erotic activity, I love how mainstream it's become. Spanking was once considered the domain of the seriously kinky (though I'm sure many secretly fantasized about it and even tried it out). Now it's out-and-proud, and the kind of activity that even those with otherwise very vanilla sex lives can engage in without feeling like they've crossed that invisible line to "kinky".

More on Spanking:
Naughty Spanking Stories A to Z (Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Also check out Volume 2!)
Spanking Blog
Babeland's Slappers and Floggers
Turn Me Up, Over and On -- classic dyke porn

Big Condom Trouble

Brooklyn Resident and "Artsy NYC College" Staffer Elle, who is one of my favorite people, has a horror story to tell about buying condoms in New York:

Today I needed to buy non-lubricated Magnum condoms for the show I am working on (You put wireless headset transmitters in them and they prevent the units from being soaked in sweat, thus preserving the life of the unit...totally dorky).

So I go on my hunt through NYC - where you supposedly can find everything...so countless drugstores/pharmacies later, I cannot find any Magnum condoms that are not lubricated NOR can I find non lubed condoms of any brand.

I finally go to Kmart...where I find nonlubricated condoms, though not Magnum. I figure, what the hell, better get them in case they work.

But they are locked. Behind a scary glass cabinet.

So I find the nearest employee and tell him which I want, and he gets them for me. I reach for them, but WAIT! I can't carry them to the counter...he has to carry them to checkout for me.

Ridiculous...It's easier to buy cigarettes...grow up NYC

Wow... what's that about? Buying condoms is scary enough when you're inexperienced. Even I would probably give up if presented with that many obstacles. Then again, I know from this summer that men get a certain thrill out of specifically requesting Magnum condoms. Maybe having to ask multiple times at multiple stores would enhance the experience.

While we're on the subject of Magnums, though: Until this summer I never believed they were actually necessary. After all, I've stretched a regular old lifestyles condom over my entire forearm up to the elbow. I haven't seen all that many penises, but given the size of those who claimed to be well-endowed... let's just say a penis too big for a regular condom seemed like a "stretch" (HAH! Awful pun totally intended). But one afternoon at Ye Olde Sexe Shoppe, my adorable co-worker was complaining to me about how painful it was to use regular condoms.

"It hurts!" He said. "Seriously, the base is really constricting. This one time it snapped right in the middle, like a rubber band!"
I rolled my eyes. "Sure, buddy, that's what they all say. You must have some massive junk hidden away down there."
He smiled modestly and shrugged. I laughed a little incredulously. "What are we talking about, here? Bandit? Large Realistic?"
"Um... well..." And off he went to the other side of the store. He returned with a dildo we called Max. Max was a Vixskin product -- to the best of my knowledge he was a sort of prototype of Maverick or Outlaw. But Max was... huge. We're talking something like 12 inches in length, with a circumference of about 7 inches. When people would point to one of the large dildos and boast about a past lover, we would reach for Max and ask, "But have you ever had anyone this big?" It almost always shut them up.

So there I am, holding Max and wondering if my coworker would swing my way if I got him drunk enough. He tossed a condom at me from the display, and I tore it open (without checking the expiration date, but don't tell anyone), squeezed the tip and began to roll it over Max's head. And you know what? It didn't fit. It took me a solid two minutes to get a condom on that cock, and it was a struggle the whole way.

So I had to concede to my coworker. Apparently not all men are just trying to boost their own egos when they buy Magnums! Although I've got to tell you, that one ex of mine who used them? Yeah... he didn't need 'em.

Academy of Music to Close

We interupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the following public service announcement:

Attention Smithies past and present who are not currently in the valley:

The Academy of Music closed yesterday. The move is publicly being called a "hiatus", but the staff has been entirely laid off, including the General Manager who had been with the theater for more than 30 years. The decision was made by the Board of Directors, which includes Northampton Mayor Mary Claire Higgens and Smith's President Christ. The theater, which is the 6th oldest in the country, is owned by the city of Northampton and primarily funded by donations. The Board plans to honor all current contracts for live events scheduled at the theater, but beyond that its future is unclear.

I know how upset I would have been to come back from J-Term and find the Academy closed. The staff wasn't really notified: those that were there Tuesday evening found out when Board members arrived and told them. Others found out with the rest of the city on Thursday morning, when it hit the papers.